Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Abuse Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jaymi6
    ASL Info:    26/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.3 - 3/4/3
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1117
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1206



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbuse Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Implications pure,
    feelings obscure,
    while this sunlight pierces my skin.
    Penetrating my existence,
    despite my resistance,
    my discloser is surely a sin.

    Can you abuse me for a second?
    Scar me,
    cheat me,
    and bruise me for a second?
    Show me how insignificant I am?
    Annihilate my illusion of this comfortless sham?

    Strengths concede,
    uncertainties breed,
    trailing down the path unknown.
    Nostalgia persists,
    of situations amiss,
    and Iíve trailed thus far, alone.

    Can you abuse me for a second?
    Fuck me,
    then leave me,
    and use me for a second?
    Remind me of my place in time?
    Not worthy of fidelity nor feelings sublime.

    Paranoid view,
    judgments askew,
    even in if they prove sincere.
    Passive connection,
    subtle affection,
    each step I take, I take in fear.

    Can you abuse me for a second?
    Hurt me,
    mislead me,
    and amuse me for a second?
    Lead me down a wretched trial,
    where familiarity exists and isolation prevails?




    Submitted on 2008-01-06 20:33:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, overall. I am not at all a fan of rhyming though, particularly in this poem. I think all of the rhyming distracts from the meaning of the poem, and makes it altogether more rigid.

    "Can you abuse me for a second?
    [censored] me,
    then leave me,
    and use me for a second?
    Remind me of my place in time?
    Not worthy of fidelity nor feelings sublime."

    This, a perfect portrayal of what took place between me and my ex. The general feeling that you aren't quite a person, and that you are nothing than a toy to somebody else. Only really after one thing...x.x

    I'm not really a huge fan of the ending, but hey, its your poem.
    Overall, nice write.

    ~Jazzy
    | Posted on 2008-01-10 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is great. It feels polished and raw at the same time.

    Strengths concede,
    uncertainties breed,
    trailing down the path unknown.
    Nostalgia persists,
    of situations amiss,
    and Iíve trailed thus far, alone.

    This stanza is strong. I love your word choice, and AA, B, CC, B pattern.

    Thank you for sharing I hope to read more of your stuff.
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155511

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Bond written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Giving written by jjd
    4th of July written by layDsayD

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry