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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Abuse Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jaymi6
    ASL Info:    26/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.3 - 3/4/3
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1157
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1206



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbuse Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Implications pure,
    feelings obscure,
    while this sunlight pierces my skin.
    Penetrating my existence,
    despite my resistance,
    my discloser is surely a sin.

    Can you abuse me for a second?
    Scar me,
    cheat me,
    and bruise me for a second?
    Show me how insignificant I am?
    Annihilate my illusion of this comfortless sham?

    Strengths concede,
    uncertainties breed,
    trailing down the path unknown.
    Nostalgia persists,
    of situations amiss,
    and Iíve trailed thus far, alone.

    Can you abuse me for a second?
    Fuck me,
    then leave me,
    and use me for a second?
    Remind me of my place in time?
    Not worthy of fidelity nor feelings sublime.

    Paranoid view,
    judgments askew,
    even in if they prove sincere.
    Passive connection,
    subtle affection,
    each step I take, I take in fear.

    Can you abuse me for a second?
    Hurt me,
    mislead me,
    and amuse me for a second?
    Lead me down a wretched trial,
    where familiarity exists and isolation prevails?




    Submitted on 2008-01-06 20:33:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, overall. I am not at all a fan of rhyming though, particularly in this poem. I think all of the rhyming distracts from the meaning of the poem, and makes it altogether more rigid.

    "Can you abuse me for a second?
    [censored] me,
    then leave me,
    and use me for a second?
    Remind me of my place in time?
    Not worthy of fidelity nor feelings sublime."

    This, a perfect portrayal of what took place between me and my ex. The general feeling that you aren't quite a person, and that you are nothing than a toy to somebody else. Only really after one thing...x.x

    I'm not really a huge fan of the ending, but hey, its your poem.
    Overall, nice write.

    ~Jazzy
    | Posted on 2008-01-10 00:00:00 | by Jazzy | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is great. It feels polished and raw at the same time.

    Strengths concede,
    uncertainties breed,
    trailing down the path unknown.
    Nostalgia persists,
    of situations amiss,
    and Iíve trailed thus far, alone.

    This stanza is strong. I love your word choice, and AA, B, CC, B pattern.

    Thank you for sharing I hope to read more of your stuff.
    | Posted on 2008-01-06 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]


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