The Race -------------------------------------------
Run
Thump
Dump truck
Red
Moves fast with mindless thoughts
Race hard move fast,
Keep watch for blue dump truck
Colorful graphics of creative minds
Swirling and splashing paint
Be careful not to mix facts with emotions
Lust desire passion and zeal
Truth sets you free,
But passion drives you out
Pain killer facts wipeout
The faint fall
End is near
Hold tight when feeling dry
Cry out
Wet cool paint falls
Short, fast, few and far between.
You seem, as this is the third piece of yours that I just sift through, to be an abstract poet. You enjoy colours, and I bet you love painting even more. I have many impressions about this piece, but my first is annoyance. Why? It annoys me, duh! The first bit of it, up until colour mind, translates into this narcissistic gloat. My impression is that you write down inconsequential details and see beauty in the haphazard links you see. It is as if fortune trumps logic, and you push towards fortune - I do mean in the randomness sense, however archaic that may be. Now why does this annoy me? I enjoy logic, and envy luck; why wouldn't it? The rest of the piece seems like a simple run down of ideas you feel have dominion over simpleton's lives. I like the wet cool detail, it's what makes me think you love paint.
Submission Name: The Race
