I’m sick of it.
Sick of this!
Sick of lying,
Just to make myself seem interesting,
Faking my emotions,
Just to tell you I care,
To show that I’m paying attention,
And making you think everything you say to me,
Is meaningful in one way or another,
That every word out of your mouth,
Is exactly what I was expecting,
Exactly what I wanted to hear.
I’m tired of this mask,
This one I’ve worn every moment of my pathetic life,
That I can’t get rid of,
Like it’s super glued onto my face,
Wanting, even me, to believe that it’s who I am,
Who I want to be in the end,
Who I’ve expected to see looking back at me in the mirror.
Why does my love feel so fake?
But I tell you it’s so real…
It’s a lie I tell you!
I want to scream,
Tell you the truth,
Say everything on my mind,
And have you barely blink.
It’s all rushing by,
Like cars on a freeway,
All the things I told you,
The promises I claimed,
The imaginative people in my stories,
Just so you wouldn’t ask questions.
I made you trust me through words,
And you fell for it,
You and everyone else.
Everyone who I saw,
Who saw me,
Who saw it,
The outer shell.
The me no one broke,
No one saw crash…
The one no one saw melting in his arms,
Wanting him to hold me,
And claim everything to be wonderful within my world,
Like a fairy tale,
Only inches away from,
“Happily Ever After”.
Then the scene director shouts “cut”,
And the entire episode is destroyed…
Have you ever felt that?
The want to keep going,
Have the film roll on,
Like you’re standing on a stage,
Waiting for your next line to spill out of your mouth,
Like gum balls out of a broken machine.
How can you say that life is so amazing?
When most people don’t even show who they really are…