Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Boyfriend Wants Me (I Want Him, Too)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katana Ryoko
    ASL Info:    17/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 483/428/109
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 894
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 781



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Boyfriend Wants Me (I Want Him, Too)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    So he wants me
    But he's with you

    He says he loves me
    Well, I love him, too

    He wants to be with me
    But he's with you

    He's broken my heart
    He says I broke his, too

    If he would just leave you
    Then he could have me

    He doesn't want to hurt you
    Instead, he hurts me

    I hate you for gettin in the way
    You hate me just the same

    I guess you think I'm losing
    Because he's with you

    Well, bitch, think again
    Cuz today he kissed me

    I have a piece of his heart
    That you'll never have

    And that small victory
    Is enough for me... for now




    Submitted on 2008-01-08 22:57:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, I went through this for a year and a half. He was the first boy I fell in love with. My best friend told me to leave him alone, but she could see that I really loved him. But thats the best advice you can get. I know it's not easy, trust me, I know, but that's the best thing you can do.
    Now, about the poem itself, although it is very simple, it is very good. It doesn't seem to have as much imagery as I think you could put in, but I think you did very well on this poem.
    One thing that threw me off was your way the poem was written. The first 12 lines rhyme, but then you just stop. I thought I was off beat, and had to re-read it. Maybe you could make it all rhyme, or just do free verse. This is a wonderful poem.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2008-01-14 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      i've been in this position before...and it sucks but my best advice is forget him! if he won't leave her then [censored] him! antway good job on the write it has good flow...
    | Posted on 2008-01-13 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155645

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    untitled written by Outlaw
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry