Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Hands Have Become My Prisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: oononotthatguy
    ASL Info:    35 M Fernley ,Nv
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 48/15/15
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1071
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1206



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Hands Have Become My Prisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking back and fourth on a table full of
    Dominos. I am half way intoxicated. Falling pieces placed somewhat ramdomley.
    Drifting off in lines, down to the chair, and then to the floor. The clatter of clickin porcilin
    pushed together under my feet.

    My mind has been lost, my hands hold my guilt. I run my fingers tight against my scalp.
    My eyes see through diffrent perspective. I
    just dont care. I am going to do these things.


    Spinning the Oil burner lit up under my Bic
    I begin to play with "Mr. Hide untill he takes
    over. The smoke stinks but tastes good. And in what seems to be a blink of an eye I am not the man I once was. After all what does tommorw matter? My hands are my prison.
    They are my guide through my mess of Dominos. Scattered and still turning over into one another. Going in every direction. It is what it is! "The Story Always Ends Bad."
    After all I am in love with my killer. My arms are wide open I wait for my dimize. The smile on my face gives my heart away. My story is
    writen on the dash of my headstone.

    Joshua German.





    Submitted on 2008-01-10 19:13:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty deep and your vivid descriptions conjure up some intense visual images. The domino metaphor is really effective in this piece.
    It reads more as prose than poetry, but I rather like it.
    | Posted on 2008-01-10 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155740

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry