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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vampire's Lustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DemonicInk
    ASL Info:    21/F/Gypsie
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 29/10/28
    Words: 770
    Class/Type: Story/Vampire
    Total Views: 181
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4389



    Description:
       This is the beginning chapter in my newest story that I'm writing. The inspiration for this plotline came to me while I was watching Van Helsing several days ago and it's still going strong. I'd like some ideas on how you think it can be improved.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVampire's Lustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The darkness reflected in her green eyes did nothing to soothe his fears,as her generously wide-lipped mouth curved up into a bloodthirsty smile. "Miss me?" she asked gently, her voice a soft and throaty velvet growl. "Wh-h-h-o me?" stuttered her companion, a pale-faced gentleman dressed in dark silks. Her voice suddenly took on a sharp edge. "Of course you! Do you see anyone behind you that I might be talking to, halfwit?" she hissed. His face took on a panicked look as he turned to run. Kiara at midnight in a full rage was something he didn't want to stick around for. She let him have a head start and get about thirty feet away before simply materializing beside him. He had time for one agonized scream before she ripped out his throat with her fangs. Her poisonous smile was beautiful to behold on her bloodstained mouth, as she murmured, almost as an afterthought, "Idiots annoy me."
    A dark chuckle made her whirl around, startled, and look for the source of such deep merriment. Nowhere in the clearing did she see anything but trees that could have made it. Slowly she revolved, on her guard for anything new to show itself.
    He watched her searching for him and smiled a feral smile. Lord, but she was beautiful! Long dark hair tumbling in ringlets down her back, that magnificent body encased in a siren-red low-cut bustier and black flowing skirts caressing her calves. She was barefoot and appeared to be about 25 years old, but he knew her true age to be much higher.
    Deciding he'd had enough fun at her expense, he silently stepped out into the clearing while her back was turned to him. Hearing some tiny sound, she spun around again, expecting nothing there and gasped, stopping dead when she saw him. Her breast rose and fell violently as she fought to regain her breath and composure. He found it a most intriguing sight and gazed openly admiring her.
    "Who are you?" she asked as soon as she'd gathered enough air to. His lips curved up into a half smile. "Well, who ARE you?" she persisted, feeling her irritation grow. As she waited for the stranger to respond, she studied him carefully. He was tall and well built, with sandy dark hair and cobalt blue eyes. He appeared to be about her age, which meant nothing really, and was dressed in the season's most fashionable clothing, all very dark in color and decadent in style and cut.
    "Allow me to introduce myself, Kiara Hartley. I am known as Lucien van der Gelt." His voice was huskily sexy and wrapped its tendrils around her body, as she felt her knees go weak with longing and her heart beat a bit faster. When she replied, her voice trembled a bit.

    "A pleasure, Lucien, but I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage. How did you know my name?"

    "I know a great many things about you, Miss Kiara. I think you might be surprised by exactly how much I know of you."

    Her eyes were wide with wonder and a tad wistful as she looked at him, saying merely "Interesting." His brows rose at the simple answer as he realized that however much he knew of this girl, he would never totally understand her. Understand her restraint, the wildness tempered with steel and the innate sadness. But he dearly wished to try. He prayed to the old gods of death and life in his heart for the chance to understand her completely to be given to him. For sometime within the few minutes before he'd stepped into the clearing, he'd fallen in love with her.
    Her voice broke through his thoughts and turned them back to the present and his current game with her. "I'm sorry, m'dear," he used the affectionate term easily. "I was woolgathering. Seems to happen to me a lot lately." He grinned wryly.With a slight shock, she noticed his fangs when he smiled. She'd thought him a mere human. But apparently not. He was as cunning of a nightkin as she, it seemed. With a graceful incline of her head, she spoke. "Perhaps you'd care to travel together for a while?" Her voice was mild. The offer was not only a way of keeping an eye on him, for she trusted him not one whit, but also a way to get to know him better as well and find his weaknesses.




    Submitted on 2008-01-11 14:52:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Interesting! so as far as critiqueing goes I only saw that you didnt put a space after a comma once, no biggy.
    I like this though! So he fell in love with her in those few minuites he was watching? Now her interest has been sparked and she wants him to travel with her, but most likely for different reasons then he thinks. Ill have to see how this goes in the next one :)

    PS- the only thing that got me was how abrupt it all seemed. He suddenly was in love with her by that little bit (Though I see that alot in books) and then she asks him to travel with her?


    | Posted on 2008-06-04 00:00:00 | by girly101 | [ Reply to This ]



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