Description: Written for one of my previous crushes, also true for my husband.
By Fire Reborn -------------------------------------------
This collar a sign that I belong
Lest I be tempted to tarry overlong
This bliss beckoning me home
Far too long I've had to roam
No set place to lay my head
More than once I've wished myself dead
Yet still here I stand
Reaching out for your hand
Hoping you will help me up
Ready to flinch back if struck
The pain inside I will not bear
Thus far it's been beyond compare
Now if only I could dare
The cruelty and mockery of those who stare
Trying to be as free
As you see me.
From reading this and a few of your other pieces of poetry, ive realized you have an amazing use of diction, and your vocabulary is massive. My biggest problem with this piece, and a couple of the others is that the rhyme scheme you use (aabbccdd.....etc) when combined with what seem like forced rhymes, ends up slowing down the progression of the poem. My advice, is that you should try a more fluent less forced rhyme like abac, or abab even. If that doesn't work you certainly have the imagery and the vocabulary to do amazing free verse pieces, you paint a picture with words, you dont need rhyme to make your poem flow.
Submission Name: By Fire Reborn
