The 3 Fathers by BlueTorcher

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: The 3 Fathers dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	BlueTorcher
Elite Ratio:	4.67 - 79/97/96
Words:	146

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	1063
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	987

Description:
This is a poem that is me all the way through so not that much critique . Okay?.

The 3 Fathers dots

-------------------------------------------

I have three fathers
Unfortunatly I do

But unlike you
Mine our mortals
And sin they do

One tries so hard
To enter my life
But I never let him in

Instead I cause him pain
And suffering
To deep to heal
I stop down on him

Hoping that this time
He'll pack up and go away

Hoping that he'll finally realize
That I know longer play
His game

The second
Well he's a real "player"

Changing his game
And his name
Thinking that without me
He'll finally be free

Last & not least
The father I adore
The one who has opened
Up the doors

And closed so many too
He keeps me safe
And content at heart

Its just a shame
That soon

We will be far apart

Submitted on 2008-01-11 17:32:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
I really liked the ending and can relate to a father being far away. I also like the begining which is very catching. Thank you for sharing a poem that is personal.
| Posted on 2008-01-13 00:00:00 | by ashik | [ Reply to This ]
First impression is "semi-literate" but you don't want to hear that. So my other first impression is "Great!" because your story about three fathers (who could all have been my own father except there was only one of him!) is a rich and accurately-told sharing. That makes it a very successful poem with me.
| Posted on 2008-01-11 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

155806

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.