Sabbatical by Draumrkopa

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Submission Name: Sabbatical dots

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Author:	Draumrkopa
ASL Info:	19/F/next to 7-11
Elite Ratio:	8 - 200/73/17
Words:	124

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	251
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	818

Description:
Just a random rant I guess.

Sabbatical dots

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I'm still learning
How to live
Thinking of
All things I have to give
To find out
Who I really am

I'm still learning
How to swim
Catch the drift
Then go back under

Strike out on my own
Find I need some comfort
Down is up, and up is down
Nothing makes sense
Got to run from the clowns
Got to greet the monsters at the door
Gotta have a stare down

Got to grieve
Over happy things
Always know the bad times are
Right around the corner
Got to sing the sad song
Got to say you'll last long
Gotta start a revolution
Keep the resistance
Throw out the happy times
Still, the trash ain't all that full

Submitted on 2008-01-11 22:11:15 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  this song is obviously about alot of things....in my opinion, these are my guesses
1.taking on other peoples problems
2.nothing is what it seems
3.'got to greet the monsters at the door' i'm guessing you mean face fear no matter what fear that may be
4.views of depression?
either way, it's deep and really good.....well written.
| Posted on 2008-07-28 00:00:00 | by knudson18 | [ Reply to This ]
  First off I like the form because it grows.Your sneeky D.You probably tried to make this one a marking cause when the reader sees the form it shows how it can be so anticipated.I agree.We're 18 are lives are ahead of us and we wanna do and have of hold something so brilliant of own but then the unexpected happens.To me I ask myself is the dude upsteirs doing this or is that prick Satan f**king with me. 5stars

Key to trigger emotion- listen to Apologize One Republic might give you some ideas.
| Posted on 2008-03-01 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
  It is nice and honest introspection... I observe that your each expression is relevant to the theme. Images of clowns, monsters and finally the trash fit nicely.

It seems you have written this piece with great care. Each expression is where it should be. So it is not such a "random" thing.

I like your style. Thanks for this great read...
| Posted on 2008-02-20 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]
  I think u did a great job om this n the words u used n how u put t gether is aswome keep up explession ur soul I love 2 also
| Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
  As I told you I am not good with comments. All I can say and you should definitly take this as a compliment, is that this poem reminded me a lot of the song 'Diary of a Madman'. Cheers hun and keep writing.
| Posted on 2008-02-06 00:00:00 | by Gene | [ Reply to This ]
  all things i would change to the things,
Find I need some comfort, i.d change it to in the need of comfort,Got to greet the monsters at the door, i,d change it to greeting monsters at the door,Always know the bad times are
change it to knowing bad things,just some changes i would make to make the poem flow smoother,you know like editing out unnessescary words that clutter up the poem.i,m sure if you re.write it , it will flow bwttwr, let me know and i,ll be glad to comment again.
thanks for sharing
tschüß
ger
| Posted on 2008-01-12 00:00:00 | by eyeless in gaza | [ Reply to This ]

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