Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: oratory of the clam in sunshinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 991



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsoratory of the clam in sunshinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    oratory of the clam
    in sunshine:

    dull breakers,
    quell your sparkling quarks
    from me
    for i am an island
    inside the island
    of my under-pearl.

    i've gnashed histories
    pubescent flesh for you
    and your sun
    so forceful
    with my lover's moon.

    dull breakers,
    challenge not
    the early morning bread
    of meat.
    instead,
    slosh wayward
    & flail hope like rivers mud.

    my teeth
    are yet evolving
    so fear me not.
    & the faithless wonderings
    of ill tides fall upon me.
    i am skin.

    night feeds me
    while I sleep.
    i'm inside you here
    where mother pushes
    like a clock.
    & while she tic tic tics
    the ocean falls.

    i'm breathless
    here in the sunshine
    where i can not breathe...




    Submitted on 2008-01-12 21:02:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow man I don't really know what to say about this one! It makes me feel like I fell asleep on the beach & had a far-away dream. I was a little confused at some points, like I didn't really understand what you meant by 'bread of meat' but the imagery was sufficient to convey that dreamy, nostalgic feeling. Plus I'm a big fan of the ocean & sea life (as topics). Good stuff!
    | Posted on 2008-01-13 00:00:00 | by Mark Huntsman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    155866

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Incubus written by monad
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    This written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry