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    dots Submission Name: Can You Carry the Wind in a Water Basin dots

    Author: silentpoison
    ASL Info:    22/F/Teh Shire
    Elite Ratio:    2.67 - 204/259/118
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 770


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    dotsCan You Carry the Wind in a Water Basin dots

    would you bind my restless feet
    with promises of forever
    cement them to the road
    and never let them roam
    through a may day's pasture

    to walk every ocean's tide
    under each new moon
    and never let the wanderer know
    where he could be taken
    swept into the gusty gales
    wild and free

    could you tell the marauder
    to no longer sail the sea's
    to never know an ancient dawns breeze

    But steady, young fellow
    though eager you may be
    to catch the wind
    as an offering to the sun
    would only hurt your heart
    in the end
    when you and the free wind
    must part

    Submitted on 2008-01-13 17:41:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it, very imageful (not a word i know! :D hehe) I like it, very sad as well, makes me think of a book i read, i can't think of the title though, anyway good job!
    Also thanks for the comment on Dear Amber/Sleep talking!
    | Posted on 2008-07-28 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      i really enjoyed the word choice and the imagery of this poem. I like how it gives all these open and free ideas contrasted with the talk of constraint, really gets the meaning across. To me, the transistion from the first stanza to the second (mainly the second beginning with to) is a little awkward to me when I read it. The end is great, just a well put sum of the theme. Again, I enjoyed
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by bkj43 | [ Reply to This ]
      The last stanza was the best one. you finished the poem, beautifully. I guess 'poetic justice' doesn't exists, not even in poetry, these days
    | Posted on 2008-01-15 00:00:00 | by moaxcym | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm am not going to break this piece down bit by bit but I am going to tell you that I absolutely loved every line of it. Beautifully written and well stated...for sure.
    | Posted on 2008-01-14 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]

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