Ambulatory Behavior by Crestfallenman

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Submission Name: Ambulatory Behavior dots

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Author:	Crestfallenman
ASL Info:	21/M/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.7 - 593/817/331
Words:	126

Class/Type:	Riddle/Serious
Total Views:	163
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	854

Description:

Ambulatory Behavior dots

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Predestine before you look yourself in the eye,
Wonder what you could have done and why.
Ambitious at first, tepid last.
Desires become a mere reflection to fast.

Glad to be awake, aware, concerned, and alert,
For reality can be so insipid it can hurt.
Unending attention to live forever,
Now makeshift our unfortunate weather.

Try to heed the truth from the lies,
Swallow the impassive; time now flies.
Does the unfortunate come darkly from within,
Or does it equal to the fumbling of our sins?

Anger, rage, insanity, sobs, tears,
Karma dwells within those with great fears.
Worry and life will be over soon,
Seize the moment you choose before after noon.

Or the puzzle you created will be forever incomplete.

Submitted on 2008-01-15 05:26:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
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||| Comments |||
  Gone to preaching? Good message, at least one I need to hear almost daily. Choose a cup...
I leave my card:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_of_Cups

Thanks again.
| Posted on 2008-01-21 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  Heeey, I like this one. First, let us comment on the rhyming, which did not feel forced at all, although I will say that I think it would be better to combine the words "after noon" into one word, unless I miss what you were trying to do, the space break sort of makes you stumble a bit. This slight pause is unnerving. After that, I loved the very last line of your poem, I think it was deep, and it really did a good job of combine and collecting all which you were trying to say. I think the message is real here, and something more people should think about. Great job, and thanks for your thoughts.
Be well,
~Azura*
| Posted on 2008-01-15 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi. I relate to what you express. Though I would like to explore a bit further. So I am copying it to Windows Word 2003 so I can try to assimilate. Not like the Borg ofcourse. iSee if I can cope. Hope you dont mind. Will comment when ready. I like it. Thnx. Joachim.
| Posted on 2008-01-15 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]

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