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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Plainsong (Something Surreal)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 762
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 573



    Description:
       Um, I don't know. :) My former boss mentioned "twin albino lacrosse players" once. She knew them growing up on Long Island, so they're real. Thanks for that, Viriginia.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlainsong (Something Surreal)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My days are so repetitive
    that I can sing them like a song.
    I long for anything to break
    this melancholic monotony
    maybe for something surreal
    like twin albino lacrosse players
    attacking my car at a stoplight,
    anything to add a new verse
    to this tedious song.
    I wonder how your life song is
    because you're too far away to hold.
    Sometimes I swear I hear you singing,
    yet it's just the wind,
    but I know that we're singing in the same key--
    we always do.




    Submitted on 2004-06-26 23:35:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ooohhh... Beautiful. Do you like not using punctuation? The lack of it jars on me, but that's the only thing I don't like about this piece. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-06-29 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem, but don't mess with plainsong. There is little that compares with the beauty of it. So, write in either key, the major or the minor. I have a curious affinity for music of this particular genre and then to for some other. Classic toneless melodies describing monotone binaural effects...tell me how you hear that in the notes?
    | Posted on 2004-06-28 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the image of the song very much. the albino lacrosse players are a nice touch. I can relate to the feeling very well. but in the last 3 lines it became a really good love poem. sweet. another great poem.
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      very sweet piece cuddle ...even liking the albino lacrosse part...you always have such interesting thoughts in your poetry...yetthey always tie in perfectly...smiles ange
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      eek! i couldn't get past the first 2 lines...like someone was spying in my head...my song would be a bad 80's song that they STILL play on the radio for god knows why. I like the whole piece but the start...struck a chord.
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Well... I didn't really like it until I read the last 3 lines.
    "But I know that we're singing
    In the same key
    We always do"

    Thats so beautiful. It made the poem shine. :0) On the other hand, I did a double-take on the 'albino lacrosse player' thing. lol I wasnt expecting that. :P
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by LadyInRed88 | [ Reply to This ]
      Why didn't you write this as a letter? Hmm albino lacrosse players? Very creative. Why not something like albino football nigerians or basketball players attacking girl scouts and skipping like the chinese speaking freak breeds they are. I mean, stop and daydream it for a minute and make it as nonsensical and cooly random as possible.

    Things feel empty eh? What passion drives you? I saw your quote. It sounds like it's an utter boredom of the routines of life. Is it just lonliness? That's the main cause of depression in senior citizens ..when they're family moves away. You're awake 16 hours of the day. Depression, guilt, lonliness; it'll all eat you up inside. Only interaction can feed the emptiness. Those who yearn so hard for such basic needs are the most open to exploitation.

    Keep your mind moving. There's only time in the way, so keep your head up. He wouldn't like it for you to feel so down.
    | Posted on 2004-06-26 00:00:00 | by Aksuri | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved th image of the lacrosse players attacking your car...lmao...as for the wind duet...singing in the sasme key is a blessing, but is sad and haunting when it echoes in the wings of an empty audatorium.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-06-27 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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