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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Persephone
    ASL Info:    19/f/ US
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 328/352/136
    Words: 153
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 688
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 993



    Description:
       A little repetative and slightly random in the ideal of it all. It's not my best, but I don't think it's my worse...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyonce and awhile,
    the bell tolls too long and loud,
    and the melody of the world,
    is off set by the simple sound.

    Every now and then,
    the child walks away forever
    and the sway of the world,
    is off by a measure.

    And in the silence of the ways,
    of the every once and a few,
    and the pitter patter of hearts,
    enters another cue.

    The dependent variables,
    the rests and bars and scales,
    oh, the music of this life,
    and oh, oh the tales!

    So though the faults are louder,
    the measure slightly off,
    and if the rhythm suffers,
    'tis life as it is told.

    Only a few stand out,
    for greatness or for fault.
    And if the music stutters,
    then this is the claut.

    The dependent variables,
    the rests and bars and scales,
    oh, the music of this life,
    and oh, oh the tales!




    Submitted on 2008-01-15 12:33:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is like a jazz tune that wonders off course and comes back time after time. The only thing that puzzeled me was the use of the owrd "claut". I'm unsure what you intended for that line to mean. The word "coda" might be a better replacement as a musical term.
    On the whole this was full of meaning but you make the reader dig and some thoughts seem a bit incomplete in some areas. I thought the metaphor of the child was a dropped a bit quickly. Okay so now I'm rambling too. It's good but I think with a little thought it could be great.
    | Posted on 2008-01-15 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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