Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Just Don't Knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Katana Ryoko
    ASL Info:    17/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 483/428/109
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       Hmmm.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Just Don't Knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish it was only us two
    But I know that it can't happen
    That it will never come true
    Cuz you're with someone else
    And I'm always looking for something new

    Know that the love I have for you
    Will never change and never die
    I may get mad at you for an hour or two
    But I'm just losing my temper
    Around you I can't keep my cool

    Staying friends with you is hard
    The attraction between us so strong
    I can't get over it, don't know where to start
    Cuz I'm not sure if I even want to let go
    Cuz I like the hold you have over my heart




    Submitted on 2008-01-15 18:57:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I must say that one ordinarily wouldn't know how to comment on a piece like this.
    Frankly, nor do I, but here goes anyways.

    This is a remarkably forward piece which would be best as lyrics, than merely a poem (there is nothing wrong with poetry, but I feel that this needs something "more").

    And not to be nitpicky, but "Cuz" (in that form and spelling) refers to one's cousin, whereas 'cause is appropriate. I say that because it just doesn't fit in how your poem is.

    I appologize if my criticism was harsh, but I encourage you to keep writing.
    | Posted on 2008-01-17 00:00:00 | by whiteshadows | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    156005

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    prison written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Push written by JanePlane
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Love written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Carry written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    Every..... written by jackz

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry