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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Looking Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 324
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2036



    Description:
       Past is past right. Granted it shapes who you are today as a person but it has no control over you, you decide your future not those people whose actions hurt you in the worst way possible? Right... their actions cannot control you


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLooking Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Looking back at my childhood today,
    I see that I was nothing more than an escape goat

    I see now that nobody had my best interests in mind!

    A toy to my Step Father I was (with strings attached of course)
    He’d use me for his own sick pleasures
    While buying my silence
    Telling me things he knew I wanted and needed to hear.
    Taking advantage of my innocence’s and essentially taking my innocence’s away.

    Nobody cared of my feelings of my well being.
    Nobody told me to Run
    To hide…Where to go…

    All they cared about was using me to get what they all felt that they “needed”

    Someone to control… My Mother figured it’d be fun and eventful.

    Always trying to make me out to be something I wasn’t…
    Using me to get the material items she so longed for and felt she deserved.

    I was simply the ROPE between the two of them…
    It officially became a game of “Tug-A-War” at one point in their relationship.

    Step Father VS Mother


    To my Biological Father
    I was an unwanted child
    Whom he quote
    "Has no desire to get to know”


    Yet as a little girl I shed numerous tears for this who was and still is my Biological Father .

    He’d show up when he'd feel like it
    Unpredictable
    Even more so when he left

    And NOT for just
    Days...
    Weeks...
    Months...
    But several years on end.

    So in the beginning all I am and ever was an unwanted, mistreated, and used child, longing for a Father Figure I was never meant to have.

    Now being the young lady I am today I realize the truth and I accept my past…
    As just that My Past… Nothing More… and Nothing Less




    Submitted on 2008-01-16 01:34:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There was no reason for you to be the rope they played tug of war with. And whatever you tried to believe to live through it, was natural. That is what causes most people to develope multiple personalities. My aunt lived with sexual abuse at the hands of her FATHER, she lived through being left with the neighbors for a week who were closet satin worshipers with sacrifices and the hole nine yards. When she was diagnosed they counted seven different personalities that she had created to deal with the shame and the pain she carried.

    But the shame should never have been hers and it should never be yours. You did nothing wrong. All you did was survive. And that was a good thing.

    Always again
    trynfinity
    | Posted on 2009-07-04 00:00:00 | by trynfinity | [ Reply to This ]
      me and you both have past we want to forget. your past was something you couldnt control though. i created mine myself with all the drugs and alcohol. your writings are off the hook. i love reading stuff that tells a story especially when it is true. your detail and emoion is ridiculous. (mean that in a good way) i cant even describe what i am feeling right now. i feel sorry for you but at the same time i cant beilieve how strong of a person you are. its amazing that you have such a giftl. your pieces are fantastic. im sure it hurts to sit at your computer and write down all these feeling and unfortunate events. but im really glad that you did because i cant relate to anything your writing but it makes me feel like i need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and accept my past for what it is and just let go. beucase there is nothing that can be done. i cant tell you how much reading this has helped me come to terms with my own past. if you can survive this and honesly just accept that its over and your now a brillant young lady i can too. thank you for writing this. well done...bravo
    joez**
    | Posted on 2009-06-07 00:00:00 | by joezwells | [ Reply to This ]


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