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    dots Submission Name: Song I Rememberdots

    Author: EEKS
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 647/1206/773
    Words: 416
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 902
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2290


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSong I Rememberdots

    Every morning around 8:15 I could look through the glass and see you leaning against a wall, not ready to walk
    And I could remember the night before
    Playing Monopoly on the floor
    And now I'm thinking I am the one who chose the dark
    I was waiting to lose faith and you were sitting in your car
    With the sound turned down and you were not looking for more anyway
    There are tracks on that cd I've burned a hole through
    Missing you
    And there are times I write your name in dirt and stomp it out
    Its a voodoo thing, but I hope you don't hurt
    I pick at my nails in class now, and I remember how I used to slide them down your back til you burned
    and now I remember I have heard this song before
    It was on the last disc I made before I went to school
    Before I knew there would be no me and you
    Well, I never was much for romance
    But I could drive from here to Toledo on pins and needles to teach you about nostalgia

    Crack crack crack on glass, I can't say I want you back
    I used to dance on ravine edges and the only difference now is its meaningless

    You're not much of prince but I am nothing like an Audrey Hepburn
    I shake when I try to write lyrics and I drink orange juice at midnight when I need to be pulling this fever down
    I use my phone far too much and you remember it used to always be on silent when you were around
    Well its not like that anymore but then again
    Nothing is really the same
    I dont wear those green shoes anymore, I walked til the soles tore and then I realized it was time to turn around
    So I talked myself off the mountain and Ive been living in this ditch ever since
    I am afraid someday we will all be sad about these choices
    But for now I think we will all hold our tongues, and maybe lose our voices

    Knock knock knock on wood
    This has been good but Im the girl who never quits when she should
    I get carried away before we know it Im gone again

    Crack, crack, crack on glass
    So much to say if anyone wants to ask
    But I think they think the stories over
    So for now its over

    Submitted on 2008-01-16 08:58:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey hi once again
    another great feature i liked the whole concept of the piece
    i like how you still can pik it up at the end and add to the words

    great write
    | Posted on 2008-01-17 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece was well executed. Not that it has a very good structure. It is not very subtle, but it flows very well. It would have been interesting, had you started at a particular point, strayed out, and traveled back to that point at the end.
    But in any case, this piece is promising but not mind-blowing. Somehow it lacked that final blow. Perhaps a bit of structure could have helped.
    Anyway, keep writing and be happy!
    | Posted on 2008-01-16 00:00:00 | by moaxcym | [ Reply to This ]

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