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Behind The Scene


Author: Dying Young
ASL Info:    18 / F / Lebanon
Elite Ratio:    6.16 - 78 /34 /27
Words: 85
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1177
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 616



Description:




Behind The Scene



Behind the sparkle in those dead eyes
Behind the smile she fakes all times
Behind this melody in her shaking voice
Who's feeling the bleeding heart?

Behind each love poem she writes
Behind the story of hearts she combines
Behind the beats inside her when the sky cries
Who's feeling the lonely soul?

Behind her sweetness
Behind her cruelty
Behind her carelessness
Behind her thoughtfulness
Behind the angel
Behind the beast
Who knew there was someone in need?
Behind The Scene




Submitted on 2008-01-17 07:32:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  hi,i like it,it's not long but it makes you think for a long time about it,just keep on,& peace in the middle east...
| Posted on 2008-09-15 00:00:00 | by sitel | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the repitition and not only of words but also of themes and ideas such as:

Behind each love poem she writes
Behind the story of hearts she combines

I think this is powerful because it describes love from two diffrent angles even if you didn't mean to do that. Throughout the poem you really make your view strong and I epecially loves the last part about the contrasting angel and beast.

I really like the theme of not getting to know the person adn getting the message behind that, its like that look you can get from people, where you can see in their eyes that there is something to be found.

I think you migt need to work on the wording at the ends of the stanzas like about the bleeding heart and such, its a little bit awkward.

But all in all it only left me wanting to know what rlly was behind the scenes so I guess you accomplished your goal.

Keep it up,
~flora~
| Posted on 2008-02-09 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, I know someone like this who just broke down and still has to keep her behaviour straight because she has kids to look after. You well made poem here could exactly be about her!
| Posted on 2008-01-21 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  I think the word "Behind" is very distracting. i really want to love this piece because it interest me at some point but in the end result, i'm forced to hate it because there isn't enough substance for me to be in the piece. When a person reads a piece, he or she has to feel what is being read, wanting to be in the piece, or just take the moment to think of all that was being said. I want to think it this piece because it's a great idea that you have here and i want to feel it but i can't. You have an amazing title because it's so mysterious and you want to find out and be part of what you created but after all is said and done, i'm not behind the scene and i don't feel like it. Play with the mystery and reveal it step by step. It's going to be great.

You've got a good piece going here. I'd love to see what more you can do with it without the reptition.

Have a great day.

Irina
| Posted on 2008-01-18 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't know if I like the repitition of if I hate it. The thing is, with poems like this, it's almost as if you are drawing guilt out of the reader, so it feels like you should be able to make them feel something for the girl, but you don't here. You feel that she feels, but you don't really feel for her. I think it's the repition, it sort of acts like a barrier between me and the girl, which would actually work, but it didn't make me feel like I wanted to go behind it. This is good, though, but I think you could make it great. I like the end, "Behind the Scene", I think it's clever.
Be well,
~Azura*
| Posted on 2008-01-17 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]


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