Description: Seems really random thoughts and really vague to me... wrote it a while ago though and then added some stuff on to it.
What is good and what is bad?
I can run -------------------------------------------
I run because th eblue ice of the cave couldn't stop me
I run because my tears wouldn't freeze
I run away because my internal sorrow is too great
I run away from it all.
I wont stop running till my ears can't hear
I can't stop just by the strained kenesthetics of my stupid stumbled steps
I shaln' stop for another brust with life
I wont stop running till my ears freeze off
I wont start stopping till my eyes can't see
till my nose has icicles and my mouth is frozen
frozen in one last strained breath
I run because black ice still has grip
I run because a finishlines needs to be crossed and a start gun obeyed
I run ... because I need to.
This is only my opinion. Nothing more.
I thought the first 2 lines were GREAT!
But then the next 2 seemed a little ordinary in comparison., at least to me.
The 2nd group of lines was GREAT!The 3rd group seemed OK.
The last line seemed already stated in the work. Maybe try something fresh there.
Anyway it was a really good write. You asked what we thought was good and what we thought was bad.
Be careful what you wish for-you might get it!
Anyways, good job!
The reptition of you running doesn't really enhance what you are trying to say. In fact it diminishes the meaning and i can't enjoy the ice the way you want me to see it and i can't enjoy the fact that you cannot stop because if you do, then you gotta think about what is bothering you.
Also, instead of the reptition, try finding new ways of explaining what you feel in a different way. You can start:
I run
because
the blue ice of the cave couldn't stop me
because
my tears wouldn't freeze
because
my internal sorrow is too great
I run away from it all.
Turn your piece into life. Make me feel the coldness or something. It's a great theme and a great idea you have here. All you have to do now is to think about it and develop it.
Other than that, nice thoughts. I enjoyed this one very much.
Submission Name: I can run 
