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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I See Herdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dutchess_aira
    ASL Info:    23/f/HI
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 41/42/22
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1285



    Description:
       Dealing with painful memories...break-ups bring the worst out of people.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI See Herdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see her standing alone
    Her back against the wall
    I see her panicked and afraid
    As her nails dig into the crevices of bricks
    I see her as her heart beat quickens
    As darkness surrounds her
    Engulfing all that is happy
    Into a pit of nothingness
    I see her as her eyes fill with water
    I see her as she is now a mess
    I see her with mascara coated eyes
    Looking into the distance at me
    I see her as she yearns to be me to be taken From her hell and placed into my heaven
    I see her I see her as she falls to her knees In prayer holding up her shaky hands toward The sky I see her as a silent
    "Lord forgive me" escapes her lips
    I see her as the tears flow heavy down Repentive cheeks
    I see her...I see her as she grips the ground Hoping to feel the spirit
    Of those before her I see her
    As her soft cries turn into
    Loud cries of anguish
    I see her as her body
    Twists and crumbles
    As her pain takes over
    I see her...I see her as she holds her eyes With mine...I see her watching me as she Transforms into the demon she chose to be
    I see her as the pain blackens her eyes I see Her...I see her...I see me




    Submitted on 2008-01-19 01:07:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey there... I totally loved this piece... I loved the end the most... < i see her, I see me > that was really nice...
    but with the strog vocab you used < I see her as her eyes fill with water > this line seemed bit weak.. I suggest to change it !!
    all in all... Great Job...
    and you're totally right , break-ups bring the worste out of people... even if you were the one who chose to split up ... even if you weren't happy with your partner... there always got to be something missing !! that's sadness is easier to find than happiness... I really envy the happy !!
    again : Great Work !!

    ~ TumTum
    | Posted on 2008-01-19 00:00:00 | by Dying Young | [ Reply to This ]


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