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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A crushdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jaramae
    ASL Info:    18/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 49/25/29
    Words: 188
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 172
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1202



    Description:
       This is a poem about a guy who I was crushing on at the time. I was confused about how I was feeling and how it would affect our friendship. comments are encouraged


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA crushdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Passing physical attractions
    Easily come and go
    Many moments I知 left confused
    While others, I知 left thinking that I know

    A battle continues to rage onward
    A fight between the mind and heart,
    Should I listen to my irrational conscious,
    Or my soul that痴 being torn apart?

    He makes me want to push him
    Further and further away
    But the moment that the thought crosses my mind
    All I want for him is to stay.

    I have a constant longing
    To hold him close and keep him near,
    But that wish is meant to be left unfilled
    Resulting in my greatest fear

    What has brought me to this point?
    What has become of me?
    Constantly always questioning
    The things that I cannot understand or see

    As each minute passes in a day
    My emotions leave me torn apart
    And now all I can do is question and wonder
    I guess I知 just back to the start

    After all this contemplation,
    What conclusion have I come to?
    I値l continue wandering forever,
    searching for someone or something like you




    Submitted on 2008-01-21 18:43:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is such a heart felt write yea most people should think that when they read this since it's pretty much how every relationship is, it's based on how much you love someone and when they go to leave you want them around.
    Most of my poems are about love or happiness, this one would be right with them some where but I didn't write it....lol... you did... well it's very passionate and also fulfilling you use mass character in this and a lot of feelings
    | Posted on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 | by Gmann | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, my life story.

    Well, first of all, welcome to Elite Skills. You poem was really good. For the most part, it seems as if you have the rhyme scheme down pretty good. A few lines seemed a little stressed, like you were trying too hard to make it rhyme. You have a lot to say, but it seems like your holding it in to rhyme.

    "As each minute passes in a day
    My emotions leave me torn apart
    And now all I can do is question and wonder
    I guess I知 just back to the start"

    I don't know. maybe i'm slow and can't piece it together ( and that might be the problem) but the last two lines just don't seem to go with the first two lines.

    Besides that, you are a very good writer. Thanks for the comment on "Shattered Heart" and i hope to see you try some free verse.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2008-01-22 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      ah, such heartfelt honesty... with a lovely, rolling meter enlivening your rhymes... that torture is beautiful to me in a way, for it creates lasting poetry...
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-01-21 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]



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