Your presence caresses my being
Like waves of the ocean
Strokes the sand
Delicately
Fiercely
Until the tides
Calms to a state of relaxation
All has been said and done from you
Your words float through the air
Like captivated music
From far away
Luring
Chasing
Bitten by curiosity
Transformed into a hunter
Pleading to find where the sound is from
Your energy conquests my thoughts
Like a lightning bolt at night
Catching my interests
Electrified
Bewildered
Your magnetism
Speaks to me with enticement
Your temperament has touched my core
Wow, I thought this was great. The way you describe touch is very intimate, very personal.
This is difficult to pull off bc it is a subject so overwritten about its hard to find new material.
Your piece seemed entirely original.
"Your energy conquests my thoughts seemed to add a masculine energy to this already touching words.
Congratulations!
I really like the flow of the ideas. If you hadn't said that it was about simply being touched, I dont think I would have ever guessed. I read this one like three times and I really like it. I love the flow of the ideas the most, as I said before. Like, it's about being touched (physically but not inappropriately I hope >_> ) and moving from the two people being in their presence, then relaxing in that presence, then talking about something and developing a curiosity to touch, then the touch and finally how deep that particular touch went... Brilliant! The form that you chose is appealing to the eye, too. Going in a wave-like fashion that further compliments the shift of ideas...
Damn you're good.
That's all I got.
I read this poem once, then looked it over as a whole afterwards because of the feeling I got from the format. The way you naturally start with long sentences, then ease down to single words, just to bring it back up to long sentences again with each stanza makes the entire experience like a roller coaster ride. You use good imagery, and your metaphorical diction is very nice. You use simple personification to iterate points, and it meshes well. This was a uniquely formed, and well executed poem.
Submission Name: Touched
