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    dots Submission Name: Our Dancedots

    Author: peanut911
    ASL Info:    19/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 19/19/8
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 441
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 323


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Dancedots

    Your body strong,
    your voice a song,
    Stops me in my place.

    Your arms take me,
    You control me,
    My eyes on your face.

    Your lips on mine,
    Our bodies bind,
    Something has begun.

    Lose control,
    I feel your soul,
    As we become one.

    Submitted on 2008-01-22 22:08:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is pretty cute. Short and sweet. It seems very methodically calculated. The lines were put together perfectly. How the last line on first two and last two stanzas rhyme. And the parts the two lines behind them rhyme as well. I usually do not like rhyming poetry but there is something nice and sweet about this particular poem. Plus it really reminded me of a certain someone so you get props for invoking strong feeling. (^_^) Over all good write. Keep it up.

    ~Lilithe Amara Aislin
    | Posted on 2008-01-23 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather enjoyed this poem and found it to be quite intruiging. When I read this I get the description of a couple making love and losing themselves within each other

    "Lose control,
    I feel your soul,
    As we become one."

    This last verse seems to describe the moment when a couple climaxes together.

    Only type error - the second stanza in the first verse need to be capitalized at the beginning.

    Overall, I thought the poem altogether was very strong and evoke good imagery and intense emotion. I really liked it. great write
    | Posted on 2008-01-22 00:00:00 | by jaramae | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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