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    dots Submission Name: Threnodydots

    Author: Algol46
    ASL Info:    200/m/East of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    2.72 - 1111/1235/613
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 422
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 774

       Threnody--an ode or lamentation on the dead.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Now at my leisure,
    This secret pleasure,
    My valued treasure,
    A chest of gems.
    On such keep fawning,
    For close is dawning
    Under an awning
    Dark diadems.
    Once in the Spring air,
    Flowered a thing there,
    My love would wing there
    And I was glad.
    To Deathís black basin
    So would she hasten,
    My heart to chasten,
    Now I am sad.
    Tears and a sigh yet
    My soul unquiet
    My heart a riot
    Where chaos reigns.
    Now all worlds splinter,
    In Summer, Winter,
    Winter, midwinter,
    Iím racked with pains.
    Now stagnant and bored,
    With Death in accord,
    Like wine am I poured
    Out in the rains.

    Submitted on 2008-01-23 10:19:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I thought the structure was delightful, the style carried out with all the joy of a small boy being let out of the house on a warm springy day.
    Now, as you know I enjoy your work quite a bit, and you never seem to disappoint me. There is one part of this though that I question, and if you can explain why it's that way and it makes sense I will just roll with it, but until then:

    "In Summer, Winter,
    Winter, midwinter"
    Really? I mean, I understand how it does keep the beat steady and it flows over it pretty quickly, but it sort of stopped me for a moment, and I had to go back and make sure I read those lines correctly. I think there is a better way to keep it going, but if you have a reason for it to give me, I will once again bow down to Yoda.

    for a consolation prize

    | Posted on 2008-01-25 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      I know that I am always getting into something good when I open up one of your poems. And, sure enough, I wasn't disappointed. This one is so unusual in its structure (it looks difficult), but a delight to read!
    | Posted on 2008-01-23 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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