Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: todaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Morsketch
    ASL Info:    21/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 27/26/26
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 456



    Description:
       Emo day


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstodaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once more down the rabbit hole
    All things down my gullet
    Another pill to cleanse my sins

    Committed to obscure my guilt
    And solidify the pain
    Of all these years alone

    Fighting every day
    For one last straw to cling to
    One last thread to bind me to this hell

    The bud that never bloomed
    The girl that never grew
    Smothered by the need of others wanting




    Submitted on 2008-01-23 22:57:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there was no clean flow from one stanza to the next. and without that last staza to sum up what you were feeling it would have really just been a bunch of images floating. the third stanza seems a bit more trying than the others... as though it was harder to find what to say... but i liked it... i like this poem...

    "Another pill to cleanse my sins...
    Of all these years alone...
    One last thread to bind me to this hell...
    Smothered by the need of others wanting..."

    thses lines are all powerful... and when read together, some up the mood and feeling of this whole piece...
    | Posted on 2008-01-25 00:00:00 | by medusa | [ Reply to This ]
      There's something about the simplicity of this that I really like.

    I especially like the first stazna, and most of all, the line "Another pill to cleanse my sins."

    Life can really blow sometimes, but you've gotta roll with the punches. Remember, no matter how hard life gets, and no matter where you're at in your walk of life, life goes on, and there'll be one person who will get you out of this single-handedly, whether it's someone of the opposite sex or a new friend. Trust me, I've been there. Many of us have.

    Feel free to message me if you would like to talk about your depression. I'd like to help, if I may.

    -Zach
    | Posted on 2008-01-23 00:00:00 | by Keaton Volkov | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    156448

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Push written by JanePlane
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Incubus written by monad
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Giving written by jjd
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    This written by Chelebel
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry