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    dots Submission Name: Don't Hit Me Mommy (re-done)dots

    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    23/Female/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    4.68 - 277/293/232
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 458
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1000

       I was told to try writing this on a more personal level. Instead of writing it inspired by another's person, write it about my life. well, here it is.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDon't Hit Me Mommy (re-done)dots

    She hides in a corner
    and thinking,

    "Don't hit me mommy
    Don't hit me.
    I'll be good
    I promise."

    She sits wondering
    when will it come?
    When will her mother
    come again
    and hit her.

    And as she hides
    She cries out
    Like a wounded bird
    Crying, crying out

    "Don't hit me mommy
    Don't hit me.
    I'll be good
    I promise."

    She lives afraid,
    Afraid of the person
    who was suppose
    to protect her.

    just like every other time
    She does hit her
    and she sees the bruises
    the cuts, scrapes.
    and once again
    she's in the corner,

    But no matter
    how good she is,
    Her mother comes in
    All over again.
    And hits her.

    Submitted on 2008-01-24 11:03:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This definately has a personal note to it, but it also is a bit halting, and could use a smoother flow throughout.

    "She lives afraid,
    Afraid of the person
    who was suppose
    to protect her."


    I think this could develop into a magnificent piece with just a bit of buffing.

    | Posted on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]

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