Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Canvas of Dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: colopoao
    ASL Info:    42/ Male / Hallowell Mai
    Elite Ratio:    4.89 - 62/55/18
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 686
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 576



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCanvas of Dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Canvas of Dreams
    By Chris Osgood

    The blade penetrates the soft inner fruit
    Spilling the breath on to the page.....
    Staring up at the dark shadows.....
    The room grows hazy, as your brain tries
    To understand why there is a lack of
    Knowledge.......
    The blade cuts and cuts, trying to find some sort of answer
    Some sort of understanding....
    Staring out at 300 channels of static....
    Trying to connect the dots
    It is a black and white world trying to
    Exist on a canvas of dreams




    Submitted on 2008-01-24 11:26:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Power words in use here, but I'm not clear on any particular message other than some kind of trip. Perhaps if you filled in some more details between the jumps?
    | Posted on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This was interesting and innovating, and reminds me of how pointless so many things are without knowledge and understanding. Although the style you have used here is not a particular favorite of mine I did enjoy it. It is just a tiny bit disharmonious, while flowing just right as well, not something that always works as well as it does in this particular piece. I wish you the best of luck in your future writing, and will continue to check out your submissions.

    Pretty Spiffy
    xoxo
    | Posted on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    156472

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Records I written by Raphael

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry