Worthless War by crimson

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Submission Name: Worthless War dots

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Author:	crimson_panda
Elite Ratio:	8 - 57/69/68
Words:	83

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	148
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	541

Description:
I know it isn't perfect. Just kinda thought of it from atop of the head.

Worthless War dots

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Blood on the battlefield
No hope for any shields
Fight your enemy, show 'em your best
See if they can past the test
In this world of make believe
There is nothing to achieve
They just fight day and night
To see who can reach the better height
Blood, knives, and civil rights
They really don't know how to fight
The leader is just worthless
And don't get me wrong
Because when dark and light collide
They will surely be all gone

Submitted on 2008-01-24 19:32:44 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "Because when dark and light collide
They will surely be all gone"

I think this is my favorite part of the entire poem. The rhyming is good, but it seems like you could have done ABAB and so forth throughout the whole poem instead of just at the end, because I think it would have given you more wiggle room to express yourself more freely. The theme in this is a nice one, and I especially like the ending, where light and dark cancel each other out. I don't know why, but it sort of reminded me of the Mayan's Doomsday Prophecy. It's very interesting if you want to look it up, I don;t know why, just your poem sort of took me back there. It's a pretty good write just how it is, and the ending is nice. I've been reading good endings lately, maybe it'a a good omen.
Be well,
~Azura*
| Posted on 2008-01-25 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds like another computer role-play shooter/slicer thing going on. Game is the only way to wage war, blood should be limited to that on screen.

Ironic that the U.S. and other armies have patterned their high tech battle equipment controls after what our current generation of game players are well practiced with. Ironic and sad. The final line says it all.
| Posted on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  The first part seems like a war scene.
But then it changes to a "world of make believe."
Why this shift? The change itself is done very well.
I just needed some reason for starting out in battle but ending up in make believe.
It almost seems like something we might tell a child, to lessen the imppact of the realities of adult life.
This is ONLY my 2 cents worth, BTW. Someone else may read it entirely differently, of course.
| Posted on 2008-01-24 00:00:00 | by azurwarrior | [ Reply to This ]

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