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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Hearsedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eyeless in gaza
    Elite Ratio:    6.13 - 235/170/53
    Words: 214
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 80
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1328



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Hearsedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I close the door of my red brick shell
    step outside and light a cigarette.
    a slight october breeze rustles through the half dressed trees,
    and aeolian chimes float through the night.
    overhead honking geese
    fly by in a tight arrow formation,
    my thoughts started wandering, and somehow
    the memory of the hearse that passed by me yesterday,entered my mind.
    how it drove slowly up the hill
    and from where i stood
    it seemed as though it was ascending straight to heaven, as it disappeared
    on the horizon between the buildings
    and the blue sky.
    and i watched and wondered, maybe, beyond the hills,
    there is a highway to heaven
    where the good ones take their last ride
    in their last suit. with one of the saints,
    St. Christopher for example
    sitting in the drivers seat,
    and an angel choir on the radio.
    i supposed it might be a collective cab,
    like the ones i experienced in morocco.
    where they take on other guests.
    with a nod and a halo.
    and they all sit huddled together. small talking, dead but happy
    that they are not sitting on a boat,
    rowing down a burning river
    with those terrible screams
    tipping the ferryman.




    Submitted on 2008-01-25 07:27:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really started laughing just where you mention "an angel choir on the radio"!

    This is like your poem about the weather: what you thought about during some normal moment of an ordinary day. I starts off describing the moment and the day, the goes on with a free-association train of thought. I like this form of a story; but maybe the verseform is not so successful as in the Noah's Ark poem. I think I respond very positively to the concealed but strong regularity of the other poem. This one has not so much repetition of the line and metrical patterns: it seems not so organized, and somehow I like that less.
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this piece. It kind of comes to a crescendo at the end and that I almost expected it to.
    With all the nice images coming out of the red brick house, smoking a cig (and I used to smoke so I know how good that is).
    The chimes, the geese in arrow formation, everything seems ordered.
    But there is another order-that of death and I constantly remembered the hearse
    And the people dying in the fire-we will all go, the question is how.
    And death may have been a blessing for people on fire.
    Very nice piece about difficult subject matter.
    | Posted on 2008-01-26 00:00:00 | by azurwarrior | [ Reply to This ]
      You did a really nifty piece here. It intrigued me, I could see the hearse drifting slowly and in a stately manner towards the clouds.

    Spiffy
    | Posted on 2008-01-25 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


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