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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Drowning in the Basementdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eyeless in gaza
    Elite Ratio:    6.13 - 235/170/53
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1216



    Description:
       


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    dotsDrowning in the Basementdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today is a carbon copy of yesterday
    and the days that preceded it.
    a sombre sky and continuous rain
    that drizzles down the window pane,
    here in my underground room
    with it,s panorama of pavestones and footprints.

    and to crown it all the city road workers have
    capped a cable. leaving me without TV,
    phone or internet.
    cut off from the outside world.


    i,m drowning on my sofa
    with a pen and notepad,
    sherlock holmes frown on my face
    searching the muse for a clue.
    not wanting to write about the weather.
    while unconsciously scribbling on my notepad.

    firstly rain, heavy strokes, water and waves.
    a drowning man (me)
    then i draw a boat with a little cabin on top.
    some animals, and the skipper standing at the helm.
    i draw his arms, raised to the sky,
    as if he’s waving to me in the water.

    then i suddenly remember,
    only couples are allowed to board the boat.
    quickly i scribble a woman, drowning at my side
    before noah and the boat, disappear into the horizon
    between the pages.




    Submitted on 2008-01-26 12:32:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem reminds me of my own boredom, at my fathers house. I swear its like living in a cave over there! So I can definatly relate to this poem. I like how it related to Noah and the Ark from The Bible. I like to try and weave God into my poems some way as well. ^_^ I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was easy to read and the stanza's flowed nicely. My favorite line was,
    "then i suddenly remember,
    only couples are allowed to board the boat.
    quickly i scribble a woman, drowning at my side
    before noah and the boat, disappear into the horizon
    between the pages."
    I preceived this as, you drew a drowning companion by your side so you would board the Ark before it sailed away. It was very creative of you to use "Before noah and the boat, dissapear into the horizon between the pages." I really enjoyed reading this, a very good poem indeed. Good job!
    | Posted on 2008-10-31 00:00:00 | by AllyV | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, i can definitely empathise with you about days like this... melancholy, listless, unhappy hours spent worrying over... poetry, most of all. and how to express it... which you do really well here with your imagery.
    ~
    | Posted on 2008-01-29 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a good poem, I'm sure! The train of thought is - sentimental, I mean that anybody can feel it from their own experience.

    There's a surprise in the link between Noah's Ark and couples of people - and the rescue concept is quite complicated!

    I feel very comfortable with the free verse; it's a natural and unobtrusive rhythm for telling the story, and naturally changes along with changes in what you're thinking about. I think the verseform is successful.

    That is entertaining too: it begins with a vivid description of a moment of ordinary experience, then wondering what to write about it, then noticing that you already made the poem by drawing a picture! It's what they used to call 'wit' and I like it a lot.

    Maybe if a woman was with you then, you would not even have been writing a poem!

    I can't really find fault ... except with your weather. It is about 40 degrees C, here, and the farmers are suffering from drought. Last week there was a lot of rain and some floods. So the farmers are getting flood relief and drought relief at the same time, and also some of the forest is on fire. Country people in Australia write a lot of poetry, and half of it is about the weather! So poems about the weather are a recognized genre, with me!

    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      OK the day starts like yesterday with the rain. You are not only stuck in the dismal basement, there's no power for TV, phone or internet.
    Ugh. Almost made me think of olden days where they didn't gave any of that stuff.
    The radio becomes incoherent...like a Sunday morning preacher (interesting image).
    So the speaker "scribbles" on a notepad.A drowning man on a boat (the speaker)=Noah.
    Then remembers only couples are allowed on the page so quickly draws a woman, drowning and Noah and the boat disappear in to the horizon between the pages..
    How long has bit been raining there? Are you bored?
    JC
    | Posted on 2008-01-26 00:00:00 | by azurwarrior | [ Reply to This ]


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