Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Condemned To Reddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TryingToHoldOn
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 7/7/3
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 77
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1109



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCondemned To Reddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The suffering and the pain,
    The overwhelming shame,
    Leaves her hangi'n there.
    Swinging in the pits of despair.

    Her childhood non-existent,
    Her friends turned to foes.
    Selling herself for money,
    She's really not one of those.

    She's swaying in the chains,
    With her head down to her knee's,
    She's out and crying' a river,
    But no one hears her plea's.

    There was no way out,
    Her daddy told her so,
    Her mommy always said,
    She was the biggest of whorry hoes.

    She had to bring the money,
    Had to make the dough,
    With no one there to help her,
    She became what no one knows.

    And now she's all alone,
    With no place to call home,
    And in the mists of tangled sheets,
    It's just a little girl who weeps.

    With her hair in two braids,
    And her face a masquerade,
    With her pretty little dress,
    Stained to the darkest red.




    Submitted on 2008-01-26 20:53:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Great work with a few punctuation and grammar mistakes. "Leaves her hangi'n there. " You just need to move the mark over to after the g and before the i for it to be right. Congrats on the great work at such a young age, though it is sad that such a world should be seen by the young.
    Cheers,
    ~Persephone~
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      It's good work, but in my opinion it could use some punctuational and grammatical proofreading. Otherwise, the message your getting across is very important, and as AnnMarie said, it's amazing work for a 12 year old. I'm impressed, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2008-01-27 00:00:00 | by black_beauty18 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem I was very surprised to see that you are only 12! Most girls your age write about silly boyfriend songs..........

    It was really I don't have many complaints. What is whorry though? is is whorey? as in being whoreish? or just worry?

    and the last stanza kinda left me with a blank does not seem to fit with the rest........Only my opinion though!

    Welcome to the site!

    aNNmARIE
    | Posted on 2008-01-26 00:00:00 | by aNNmARIE | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.