[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Truth or Consequencesdots

    Author: azurwarrior
    ASL Info:    44/m/SoCal
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 86/85/63
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 657
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 667

       Some children get born with both sex organs. Doctors used to make them girls until it was found the male or female brain is independent.
    Lots of maimed people walking around. Misunderstood.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTruth or Consequencesdots

    Always and forever,
    he is determined.

    He runs full force
    into your narrow, jagged walls of pain

    that you set up as a joke
    to golden you, who never once had to question their gender...

    You sneer at his determination.
    You call him an idiot, a fool, even a woman!

    What could be more insulting?

    But still he continues,
    stretching every fiber of his being....

    while you flick your cigarettes,
    and sip your martinis, amused.

    Still he runs. He will give all and never stop.
    because somehow,someone may see the real him!

    Submitted on 2008-01-26 22:01:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like a poet to me, this character?

    Who is "golden you"? Another character, some imperviously superficial, self-deceptive and semi-human silvertail ... I used to know some adults like that when I was a kid. Grew up and put a lot of energy into avoiding their world!

    I'm not sure I read your poem the way you meant it, but those were the ideas it evoked for me.

    It's a victorious idea. Some meetings are real, if one can stay real! The poem could be a complaint about Life or Humanity, though: I guess it would depend who's reading it!

    I had a reaction to the verseform. Not really a critical reaction: an emotional one. Free verse is difficult but there seems to be nothing wrong with yours. However, my reaction was that I wanted to read this in three-line stanzas! I know it is irrational but that's what I felt. Maybe, the poem is so spare and to the point that the use of passionate diction with hot figures in it sets up some desire for more heated language?
    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Love written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Fasade written by jackz
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    AI written by poetotoe
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]