Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Truth or Consequencesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: azurwarrior
    ASL Info:    44/m/SoCal
    Elite Ratio:    5.03 - 86/85/63
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 667



    Description:
       Some children get born with both sex organs. Doctors used to make them girls until it was found the male or female brain is independent.
    Lots of maimed people walking around. Misunderstood.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTruth or Consequencesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Always and forever,
    he is determined.

    He runs full force
    into your narrow, jagged walls of pain

    that you set up as a joke
    to golden you, who never once had to question their gender...

    You sneer at his determination.
    You call him an idiot, a fool, even a woman!

    What could be more insulting?

    But still he continues,
    stretching every fiber of his being....

    while you flick your cigarettes,
    and sip your martinis, amused.

    Still he runs. He will give all and never stop.
    because somehow,someone may see the real him!




    Submitted on 2008-01-26 22:01:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sounds like a poet to me, this character?

    Who is "golden you"? Another character, some imperviously superficial, self-deceptive and semi-human silvertail ... I used to know some adults like that when I was a kid. Grew up and put a lot of energy into avoiding their world!

    I'm not sure I read your poem the way you meant it, but those were the ideas it evoked for me.

    It's a victorious idea. Some meetings are real, if one can stay real! The poem could be a complaint about Life or Humanity, though: I guess it would depend who's reading it!

    I had a reaction to the verseform. Not really a critical reaction: an emotional one. Free verse is difficult but there seems to be nothing wrong with yours. However, my reaction was that I wanted to read this in three-line stanzas! I know it is irrational but that's what I felt. Maybe, the poem is so spare and to the point that the use of passionate diction with hot figures in it sets up some desire for more heated language?
    | Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    156595

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry