Code Blue by I_Bleed

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Submission Name: Code Blue dots

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Author:	I_Bleed_Ink
Elite Ratio:	5.54 - 180/174/51
Words:	86

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	103
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	659

Description:
Another Code today. This one didn't make it. The format (for those that don't know anything about EKGs)is meant to resemble the heart rhythms that I test.

Code Blue dots

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They bring in the family.
Bring in the chairs,
the tissues,
the grief.
What manner is this
if not for a bed.
A coffin
to the living,
a number
on a chart.
And I,
standing here with my cart,
my wires,
my electrodes–
not here to save a life,
merely to
measure it.
Gloves snap
and slap to the floor.
Stricken faces, darting eyes
of comprehension,
find a percentage
of some
hope.
So
much
can
be
seen
between
the drip
and
the
mask.

Submitted on 2008-01-27 14:04:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  O.K. I'm going to jump on the bandwagon and say this is brilliant. It draws a clear image of that last moment of life and of its setting. A hospital room environment can be cold at times such as these, but also warm when there is healing going on.

I do have a few things for you to consider:

These lines; "What manner is this / if not for a bed."
It should have been a question, but I think a statement would work better here. Instead of generalizing with "manner" say something specific, perhaps about how they surround the "bed."
Also: "And I / standing here with my cart"
could, and probably should be reduced to, "While I, with my cart"
Also : "find a percentage / of some / hope." There's a redundacy in this, "percentage of some," either can stand alone. In addition, consider, "try to find" as opposed to "find."

That's all I have as food for thought, so let me say that I enjoyed this, though sad it was, for it contains so much truth. Perhaps it's the reality that gives it its power. I work at a hospital lab, so when I saw the title "Code Blue" i was attracted to find out more. Glad that I decided to read this one. As I said, "brilliant."

Phil
| Posted on 2008-09-28 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem is so sad because I just read a book about a lady who spent most of her life in and out of hospitals, "Autobiography of a Face". Even though that was her autobiography, this tells as much imagery as her story. It seems hard to see this everyday.
I think you did a very good job describing what goes on in a hospital. About how hard and emotional it is for a family, but how cold and heartless a hospital itself can feel. Not the doctors inside, just the hospital.

My favorite part is in the middle,

"What manner is this
if not for a bed.
A coffin
to the living,
a number
on a chart.
And I,
standing here with my cart,
my wires,
my electrodes–
not here to save a life,
merely to
measure it."

This is exactly like what I was just saying. The hospital can be a cold place, regardless of how the people there are. But these lines have so much imagery in it, you can actually see the doctor or nurse and patient on the bed.

This was really well written and I enjoyed reading it.

~*~katara~*~

| Posted on 2008-03-31 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful picture you have, I can almost see the seen played out before my eyes, the pressure, it was a little strange, until I read the discription. Well writ, and wonderful imagery.

Gloria-
| Posted on 2008-01-27 00:00:00 | by TryingToHoldOn | [ Reply to This ]
  so i sat here reading this and going wow if this were turned sideways it would look like some kinda graph or chart...then i read the description. ha, duh. should read those first eh?
this is very crisp. a clear image. brings the bad flourescent lighting and sick but sterile hospital smell right to the reader.
strange, the scene of one not "involved" intruding on parents, siblings etc.. probably looked to for answers. strange.
strange that they are mourning the living...
complex things we are, so unsure...

i like this.
nice.
| Posted on 2008-01-27 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I think the main concept here is the strangeness of human life and emotions colliding with the cold sterility of a hospital; the way that a patient's fear and a family's anguish can get in the way of the disassociation that it can take to treat a patient, to see them as something to be fixed and not a feeling human being.

"I hate when they bring in the family."

The pressure of someone's well being on your shoulders, holding someone's hope in your hands, being reminded of who will be affected if the patient dies.

"Bring in the chairs,
the tissues,
the grief."

How can you work with scalpels, needles, and electrodes if you see that?

"And I,
standing here with my cart
and my wires
and electrodes–
not here to save a life,
merely to
measure
it."

No doctor can save a life; we will all die eventually. Like John McGinley's Dr. Cox said, "We're just trying to keep the game going."

The vivid picture of "Gloves snapping and slapping to the floor" brings to mind memories of ER visits and hospital rooms back when my little brother wasn't doing so well.

"So
much
of
the
soul
can
be
seen
from
between
the drip
and
the
mask."

Fascinating picture. The doctor is as human as the patient, and perhaps the same fear is reflected in both their eyes. They are only separated by the doctor's duty and the patient's idealization. I'd say this is a pretty powerful piece, and I don't think you need to adjust it to get the point across any more clearly.
| Posted on 2008-01-27 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]

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