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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sanity Left Long Beforedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TryingToHoldOn
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 7/7/3
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 65
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056



    Description:
       Insanity...I saw a picture of a ballon.....And it just came out this way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSanity Left Long Beforedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Flouting away are the memories,
    As I sit gently rocking on my porch,
    The sun resting upon my glazed face.

    Insanity grips my mind, suffocating me.

    Like he did, killing me from the inside out.
    Snapping me out of reality, into insanity.
    Drifting unto the darkness recesses....

    My mind has wondered,
    No longer does it ponder,
    My mind is like a balloon filled with helium.

    That's what he made it,

    With only a touch,

    With only the silent words.



    ______________________

    My mind is like a balloon filled with helium.

    _______________


    Let loose, flying free.
    Until one day to went to high.

    Pop!

    And
    .
    .
    .
    My
    .
    .
    Mind
    .
    .
    Fell
    .
    .
    .
    But Sanity Had Left Long Before.





    Submitted on 2008-01-27 17:33:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ahhhhh........ That works I dig that.
    Kinda sucks how the s#it in life pulls out
    good writing.

    Your points come across well. You took the
    reader along with you. Alright Late. Joshua
    | Posted on 2008-02-03 00:00:00 | by oononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
      greetings...starting out I for a moment thought you were playing a flute...or thought of flautas that you eat...but see you meant floating/// unless you were really going for insanity.

    It starts out calm and bits of mind and memory drifting off ,never to return...kind of pleasant... and then a switch to grrr! anger! pain! manipulation by another..rending a mind into mush and then switches back to the fun thought of letting all responsibiltry, sanity and focus drift away.
    almost as if two poems collided, if you were to ask me, I say axe the angst part, and leave the detached, unreal and unconnected to this world voice, which would make me work to find the insanity..or start out with the turmoil and misery and let it crumble apart ...rteleasing the balloons....
    as it is, I found i liked the balloon parts more than the destroyed my life parts, which did not seem real to me, as not enough info was givewn on exactlky how someone got inside anotherto cause their destrruction...I asume lost love or mental cruelty...some how those pieces sounded more dramatic than real to me...or atleast emotionally enlarged....
    saying that, may I add, I quite liked alot of this, kind of a sly cleverness, m,ost people see baloons as fun and innocent...you lead us to breaking the string of convention and drifting off, who knows where...quite mad...which is intersting and unusual and original...
    with respect,
    koster
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]



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