Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Addressdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sum12luv
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 55/76/33
    Words: 496
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 73
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2569



    Description:
       I decided to write this piece with the reader in mind.. you can choose where you want the story to take you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Addressdots
    -------------------------------------------


    “Hi, how may I help you?” questioned the man in a white coat, smiling cunningly. Evaline slid the small piece of paper through the tiny hole at the bottom of the barricading glass, giving the man a reason to disappear amongst the many shelves. She looked around at the many “just because” cards, balloons, and toys that were half faded from the glaring sun. It was an eery kind of place. The kind that’s silent and gives off the vibe of false happiness.
    “Ma’am,” interrupted the man, “I need your name, phone, and address.” Thinking nothing of it, she gave away the information. After paying for the medication, she left and made her way home to the empty flat that she called home.
    Turning on the lights, she checked each room, a daily ritual for her. Once she was comfortable with the fact that she was alone, she took her medication and got in the shower. The combination of steam and exhaustion made it quick and with the clap of her hands, it was lights out.
    She woke up to whispers. She saw the man, but could not move. It was as if she was frozen, dead already. Lights shining in her eyes, her mind raced. With each infliction, she wanted to cry, wanted to move, but couldn’t. She stared into the eyes of the man in the white coat, as he said, “Blessed be the deity.” He had hate in his eyes, but a smile of satisfaction. She wanted for this cruelty to be a dream. She hoped and prayed it was a dream. Who could do this? She trusted this man with her life, and he was taking it.
    A slow rush of heat began to run through her veins. With a crash of thunder and a flash of lightning, she was on her feet. Bewildered, the man stopped for a second. Realizing that he still had complete power, he dashed after her. Furniture came crashing down, and corners were turned. Before he knew it, Evaline was gone. Creeping around the dismantled flat, he chanted, “Evaline Martin. Apartment 222.”
    Hiding in a dark corner, she whispered back at the voice on the other line. Crouching and shaking, she clenched the phone. It was her only hope. Time passed quickly, although it felt like an eternity. With the sudden jerk of her ponytail, she let out a scream, which lead to a bang. There stood the men in blue.
    Huddled up in a blanket amongst the flashing lights, she watched as they zipped up the black bag. She could still feel his eyes staring back at her, as the words, “Blessed be the deity,” played in her head over and over again. The man in the white coat would not be helping anyone else.




    Submitted on 2008-01-27 20:16:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, I actually got really into that, it was short but interesting. I really like your use of adjectives and metaphors, it really helps you picture what’s going on as you read it. You really have potential to become a great author! My only advice to you is that you should really think about a title for this piece, that way more people are drawn into looking at it. A lot of people just scam over the untitled pieces, and they’re really missing out on a good writer!
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel90 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I actually got really into that, it was short but interesting. I really like your use of adjectives and metaphors, it really helps you picture what’s going on as you read it. You really have potential to become a great author! My only advice to you is that you should really think about a title for this piece, that way more people are drawn into looking at it. A lot of people just scam over the untitled pieces, and they’re really missing out on a good writer!
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel90 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I actually got really into that, it was short but interesting. I really like your use of adjectives and metaphors, it really helps you picture what’s going on as you read it. You really have potential to become a great author! My only advice to you is that you should really think about a title for this piece, that way more people are drawn into looking at it. A lot of people just scam over the untitled pieces, and they’re really missing out on a good writer!
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel90 | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.