Daedalus by saartha

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Submission Name: Daedalus dots

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Author:	saartha
ASL Info:	20/F/US
Elite Ratio:	4.52 - 172/247/87
Words:	67

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	406
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	482

Description:
The man who scorned dreams.

Daedalus dots

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I approve of caged animals
thrashing, the flashing
of white teeth and red gums,
the ragged splinters of ceilings.

Don’t go, you plead, I am
boneless and top-heavy and
there is something fearful
behind my eyes. Absence
is a mirror I can’t break.

Sometimes,
a wing-plucked insect
flinging itself against the sky
is better than a bird
who does nothing
but sing.

Submitted on 2008-01-27 23:53:55 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I keep coming back to this and and reading it and thinking 'what an interesting mind you have'. I really don't know why I haven't added it to my favourites before now...

The first verse made perfect sense to me (I read some of the comments). The splinters of ceiling made me think of a cage that the animal had broken, no? With all his thrashing?

'Absence is a mirror I can't break' is gorgeous. One of those rare perfect lines.

The ending, I'll echo Someones Epiphany and say it's piercing. And that I like how you've taken someone's moralizing tale and truly made the moral they present wrong.

Aly
| Posted on 2009-10-11 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
  How can a bird that was born for joy
sit in a cage and sing.

Amen.
| Posted on 2009-07-10 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
  It is rare that I find a poem I cannot criticize even if I wished to.

However, I've found it.

Slainte,

Banshee
| Posted on 2009-04-30 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
  Saartha,

This isn't a bad piece, however the first stanza was initially a bit confusing, forcing me to stop for awhile to figure it out, which of course makes getting into the poem difficult. Oftentimes it is a case of we, the writer, knowing what we mean to say, and not realizing that what we actually write is far more ambiguous or unclear than we intend. After reading over this several times I'm still not completely about what you mean. Is it,

"I approve of caged animals:
the thrashing, and flashing
of white teeth, and red gums:
ragged splinters of ceilings."

or more like

I approve of caged animals
--thrashing against the ragged
splinters of ceilings--
flashing white teeth and red gums.

The first way equates "white teeth and red gums" with "splinters of ceiling." This could be an interesting metaphor, but ultimately one that fails unless "red gums" are somehow accounted for in the image.

Regardless a thoughtful and original write.

Dale
| Posted on 2009-04-07 00:00:00 | by erthona | [ Reply to This ]
  ab fab
| Posted on 2009-03-30 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  AHHHHHH!!! The last stanza is fabulous, and I love how you used mythology for inspiration. You took the story sooo much farther than the myth, and went to Daedelus' psyche, as the man who scorned dreams. Wow, how potent, indeed. Your last stanza is magnificent, and I always felt like birds sang of the glory of flight and the wonders they see, and they sang to empty the swell of their hearts to be refilled. So I loved the end, and how I do agree with you, if the bird is flightless, then he sings nothing, but the half-winged bird has song. Ah, sooo good, I love it. I do love, that also you never really said his name, so if you changed the title, it wouldn't be about him. Ah, I am in awe. Thanks for this.
Be well,
~Azura*
| Posted on 2009-01-13 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  you have complex, enchanting thoughts, i must say.
i think, if i may be so bold, that we'd have very interesting conversations about absolutely everything.
and i find joy in that: a swift intelligence coupled with empathic observations.

which this piece grabs me with.

yes.
thank you.

(i guess i should go on as to why, but the why's don't matter. it's all internalised, unable to be put into words at times. but we try. and that's when magic happens, yeah?)

...nods.

| Posted on 2008-12-01 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
  Reminds me of stephen daedalus (james Joyce),

maybe Im the only one,but still It gave me a nice

take on something Ive been reading

not to detract from your poem by the way,

as stated below its a powerfull piece:-)

-Craig
| Posted on 2008-11-30 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

His maze, his prison, his hell, his child.

Daedalus the genius,

Icarus the ignorant.

Captives and dreamers - smuggling stolen feathers and wax to construct limbs that clawed at heaven.

Poor, stupid, willful Icarus...all he wanted was to watch Apollo stampede across the sky in his breath taking chariot.

But mortal children are too easily bent, burnt, or broken and his ferreted waxy wings betrayed him.

Daedalus may have escaped his tower prison but the maze claimed more, in fact, than a bearded old fool could've ever known.

(And Icarus, in his arrogance, is the broken insect smashing at the sky).

---------

This is oddly fitting, though, yes? For every time I read something by you the angry eye of Ra glares back at me.

Poor, poor Icarus.
| Posted on 2008-04-17 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
  WoW. Unlike some @$$hole who just left me a comment to say he had no comment- I will leave one here, even though I am speechless.
Because I can work past that.

This is awesome. I must favorite it. -Looking through about 6 of your submissions randomly this one stuck out the most.
The line "Don’t go, you plead, I am boneless and top-heavy and there is something fearful behind my eyes." was just awesome!
And the first verse/stanza made we want to go to the Peta headquarters in Norfolk, VA and shoot myself in the face!

The emotion of this comes off in waves of depressed desperation. At least how I read it it did...

So, yeah- I think it's safe to say I liked it.

-Ceyx
| Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
  I..I.. I just... guh-ah....

I had to go read about daedalus. It fits, but it's not required to understand this at all. Like... it makes sense on an intuitive level.

Someone who approves of caged animals... of "control","power." It's just such a good way of illuminating the character. Occupied with cleverness and himself.

And then you turn it around and show his weakness. "Abscene is a mirror I can't break." Breaking mirrors... being all the power he has. Does this stuff just come to you or do you sit there for hours on end ananlysing the perfect way to show characterization? the metaphor is brilliant.

So yeah. I must remember to come back.
| Posted on 2008-03-03 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a wonderfully strong piece - both in word choice and ideas. I only pity the already tattered reputation of Daedalus, who for the longest time I thought was only tempering the pursuit of Icarus' fondest dreams so that he may live to enjoy the fruit of their joint exploration - they both had wings and they both flew to never before flown heights. Be that as it may, that does not take away from the merits of this poem.
| Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by CrypticBard | [ Reply to This ]
  wow.
you are my hero.
i went to the recent posts page and couldnt find anything that didnt sound all angsty and i saw your name on a friends stalk list and thought yes... i will go find her... and here i am and you are more amazing than ever.

this is incredible.
daedalus... you take elements of his story and fit them into this piece so well... not over stated but powerfully balanced so the reader cannot help but know that you know what you are completely in control and know exactly what you are talking about.

there isnt a single word out of place or superfluous to this piece.
i am in awe.

the last stanza is piercing.
i have so much to say and no ability to say it.
i cannot understand why no one else has commented on this yet.

straight to the favourites.
wow.
| Posted on 2008-02-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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