These eyes have seen enough to know the truth
That happy endings never last
Despite this, they continue to sparkle
And captivate as they never did in the past
These lips have not yet found their match
They're thirsting for a kiss
The one that tops all others given
And shows them what they've missed
These hands have touched so many times
But they yearn to roam free
I want to paint a picture with my fingertips
But who shall my canvas be?
These arms have held a greater love
Now they long for just one embrace
Someone to put my talents to good use
Before they just go to waste...
Kittin's right. It has a respectability about it. And its difficult to attribute respect and maturity to that sort of primitive longing we all have.
It sounds finished to me. If you do happen to add more I'd suggest only that you leave the last stanza as the last stanza. The 'waste' line makes an appropriate close.
I think that it has a quality to it that so many of your other pieces couldn't quite grasp.
I like the way that it is both yearning and mature at the same time, needy without being childish. Good Job with that.
I think that this is something so many people could relate to.
As for being unfinished, I would leave it as it is, because if you added too much more to it then it would be too forceful, too needy. It has just the right resonance with that last line, a great ending for a very lovely piece.
Submission Name: These...
