[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Playdots

    Author: ParanoidParadox
    ASL Info:    22/m/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.31 - 89/92/41
    Words: 183
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1258

       Something i wrote a while ago.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Playdots

    Cascade upon the mountainside
    Descend on every thought Iíve had
    Things look better within the light
    Trickle down through the puny cracks
    The sun waning from the sky
    Paint us with every emotion
    In strokes between two and twenty
    Is this life or ascendancy?
    Forge your own path through the clouds
    And your own method, scream aloud
    Perhaps you would, had you the sound
    Realization: words mean nothing
    No single hope that screams can bring

    The peak is miles away
    We must press on still
    Push beyond the fray
    Press beyond the hill

    Antagonists force us back
    Protagonists egg us on
    Disillusionment mars us
    Keeping us from the climax
    Where this play is going to end
    Is only known to the gods
    And the playwright who wrote it
    Entertaining the would-be viewers
    With our struggles and pains
    Twists and turns within the plot
    Much like the ones in the road
    The peak grows ever nearer
    Great winds of irony blow
    Changing our direction
    Sidetracked with a useless ploy
    Finding not the ending
    But only a wish for this to end

    Submitted on 2008-01-28 10:19:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This reads well and is very interesting, also very deep. I'm assuming this trek or "play" is life with the climax being death, the end of the journey. I enjoyed the poem, but it feels like this is a better poem in the making, using the same theme but expounding more maybe to give the reader a better sense of the theme, which I'm guessing is the fact that life's journey is filled with all kinds of obstacles, and that sometimes these obstacles make us merely wish for it all to hurry up and end. Kind of what I got from it. Well and uniquely written.
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by bkj43 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fasade written by jackz
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Push written by JanePlane
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Because of You written by poetotoe
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]