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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ceasedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BeautifulSoul
    ASL Info:    17/F/In
    Elite Ratio:    6.61 - 90/79/38
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 743
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 534



    Description:
       For my love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCeasedots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you knew someone wanted to die,
    wanted to end it all,
    who would you tell,
    while they hid deep within their shell?
    What if that someone was the love of your life,
    and couldn't handle anymore strife?
    His pain you could see,
    but could not mend.
    You knew not what it could be,
    and you prayed an angel God would send.
    To save not only him but you,
    for what he feels you feel too.
    And if he were to die,
    your heart would cease without a cry.




    Submitted on 2008-01-28 13:37:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem seems like you worked what you said so that the structure would rhyme. Not all poems have to rhyme some can be just as good as the ones that rhyme as long as you tell how you are really feeling. I don't know what it feels like to watch someone you love slip away into darkness but I have been the one to slip away and there is nothing you really can do for them but to be there and remind them that they are still loved even if they don't feel it at the time. Eventually they will come around, especially if you tell them that you hurt when they hurt. It sounds like you have a heart don't lose it. Poetry is a lovely thing keep it up because it sounds like you are really good at creating poems.
    | Posted on 2008-10-24 00:00:00 | by DemonofHeaven | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this one too. my fav lines

    "To save not only him but you,
    for what he feels you feel too"

    this is really good, just keep writing, you have a neat style developing....the more you do the better you'll get :)
    | Posted on 2008-01-31 00:00:00 | by scissorhands | [ Reply to This ]
      I find it normal. I mean, it's not amazingly good and not terribly bad. It's just okay.

    I believe you were focusing a lot on structuring your phrases. Resulting, some of your phrases (I find) hard to understand. Took me couple of times reading it, to understand its meaning.

    However, I must admit that I love your final line. That was well written. The feeling is there.
    | Posted on 2008-01-29 00:00:00 | by iLLeGaL pLaYeR | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem was very touching and emotional, and I somewhat related to it.
    It's a pretty good piece of work, and I liked it.

    Best of luck to you,

    Eliza
    | Posted on 2008-01-28 00:00:00 | by Piper | [ Reply to This ]


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