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Life


Author: brokenmuse
ASL Info:    26/F/AL
Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 756 /734 /161
Words: 136
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1006
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 944



Description:


screw the description because I feel like crap, I am depressed, and the angel is me.


Life



ebon wings
extend from the back
of the broken-winged angel
in the corner there
they are stained and torn
weary and worn like her soul
she feels dead inside
and she sits
perched
precariously
on the edge of that
high-up rooftop
unafraid of falling, more afraid to fly
it's been so long she's forgotten how
the tears strike down
her porcelain face
leaving traces of creme
in the grime of
her delicate, unwashed cheeks
her arms, frail and smudged
wrap her bent knees
she cries the tears of the loved
the cherished of God
cast down into
the cruel, uncaring world
the traces of her innocence remain
between the stains
of her ruined veneer
she has broken down
fallen apart
if only for her
broken soul and broken heart




Submitted on 2008-01-28 19:22:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  very good:D I loved it:D
| Posted on 2008-12-05 00:00:00 | by rosealiehale | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. I am ever so surprised that no one has commented on this one. I'm not sure I have any suggestions for improvement...let me re-read. (is it weird that I'm actually LOOKING for something to be wrong? meh). OK, I see two things I have to comment on, and they aren't really that big. Not to sound stupid, but is ebon a real word? Or did you mean something else? Pardon my ignorance please. And also the word "creme" bothers me for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe I just never see it used that way *shrugs* idk. Ok, so I like how in my mind the scene changes from this angel huddled in a corner to on a rooftop. This may not be your intent, but it's how it played in my head.

unafraid of falling, more afraid to fly

This is easily my favorite line in this piece. I have been there before. The lowest of lows, and afraid to get back up and just give a crap again. I also like how you made it seem as if she is dirty "her delicate, unwashed cheeks
her arms, frail and smudged" it brings more to the piece, because most imagine angels to be all perfect and clean and whatnot, but this shows that even angels have weaker sides, they feel, they hurt. I love how at the end you tie it in to being cast down to earth *fallen angel* or what have you. It kind of makes one wonder what will become of this angel. Ok, well this is pretty much what I have to say at the moment, I hope it didn't suck too badly. I really did enjoy the read, and I hope that you are doing better, I'm glad you shared in any case. Peace and inspiration!

Duv
| Posted on 2008-03-12 00:00:00 | by Draumrkopa | [ Reply to This ]


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