Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Wonderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 923
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 888



    Description:
       Had a moment thinking about my ex...lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Wonderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wonder what he's doing now
    If he's loving someone else
    I wonder if he remembers my face
    If he's forgotten how I felt

    I wonder what he's thinking now
    If I ever cross his mind
    I wonder if he ever wishes for
    The things he left behind

    I wonder how he's feeling now
    If he awakes with my name on his lips
    I wonder if him hearing my name
    Causes his stomach to do flips

    I wonder how he's sleeping now
    If I'm ever in his dreams
    I wonder if he's learned to live without
    A passion so intense that it screams

    I wonder what he's doing now
    And if he's wondering about me
    I wonder if he's finally realized that
    We just weren't meant to be




    Submitted on 2008-01-29 20:36:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The piece is alright. Not too bad, nor too good.

    Every stanza started with same type of line. Would be nicer if you can put variety, you know, different way of starting each stanza.

    "I wonder how he's feeling now
    If he awakes with my name on his lips
    I wonder if him hearing my name
    Causes his stomach to do flips"

    Love the stanza :) Especially the final line, "stomach to do flips". Interesting line.
    | Posted on 2008-01-30 00:00:00 | by iLLeGaL pLaYeR | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    156764

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry