Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Slightly Jadeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       Indeed...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlightly Jadeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's nothing you can say that I haven't heard before
    So don't bother wasting your breath
    Time has left me with a multitude of excuses
    And there are no surprises left
    There's nothing you can show me now
    That I haven't already seen
    Time has smoothed out my rough edges
    And you're looking a little green
    There's nothing you can make me feel
    That I haven't felt in the past
    Passion and lust are a lovely combination
    But these fires never seem to last
    There's nothing you can do to me
    That hasn't already been done
    So quit trying to show me something new
    And let's just have our mindless fun
    -RDS-




    Submitted on 2008-01-29 20:43:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well... That's one awesome review you got below mine! -I can't even begin to compete with that level on insight. So, let's just say: I like it!

    Best.

    Review.

    EVER.



    ~and I'm off! *zoom!*

    No, I'm just kidding...
    I have more to say then that.
    "Time has left me with a multitude of excuses and there are no surprises left" -That's just an awesome line! And this one: "Time has smoothed out my rough edges and you're looking a little green" -so bitter!
    *ouch*
    It seems you are saying so much to the contrary to just end up on "And let's just have our mindless fun"...
    I don't know, it just does not seem like that's where it should be going to me. It's all so spiteful and then just kind of ends on, what? -Self-loathing? Giving in for that fire you already know won't last???
    So self-defeating.
    At least that's how I read it, maybe I'm wayyy off.
    I already said; not as insightful as below.
    ;)
    Now I'm off!

    *love & light*

    -Ceyx

    ---comes back to edit---
    Oh, yeah- and I totally like the poem!!! I forgot to mention- it's a great submission!!!
    | Posted on 2008-03-27 00:00:00 | by Ceyx | [ Reply to This ]
      somehow, this is more than jadedness; resignation that hopes will only serve to disappoint, melancholy for this flat conclusion you've reached and a numbness to engage in "fun" that's not really fun since there's no life in anything he/she can possibly offer you, so world weary for your past heartbreaks and experiences. and my heart is sad for such a soul, (perhaps yours?) devoid of any fight left for faith in the universe at bringing passion and bright colors back into your life via someone new.

    why do we live like this at times? one dimensionally, given up on any kindness within that fickle fate that seemingly rules our lives in concentric, self destructive circles, never being able to be free of our bad choices and the rose colored glasses that hamper rather than help.

    technically, you've written this with a scheme of rhymes that doesn't slow the progress of the piece at all or trip up the flow of thoughts. congrats on that. but more so for your straightforwardness in how life has gone for you thus far and a map with one of those "you are here" stickers. it puts into perspective my own "you are here" dot, an all too brief encounter with what my life is really like right now, too quickly put aside for the pleasant fictions i surround myself in.

    so thanks for sharing this. :)

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2008-03-14 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    156768

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry