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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Insecuredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    ASL Info:    47 Female New England
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 170/211/66
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Lostfriend
    Total Views: 118
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 526



    Description:
       A faded memory...that keeps fading.
    Thought I'd better write down what I remember,
    before I lose it entirely!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInsecuredots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a public bathroom
    a dark-skinned little girl
    exits one of the stalls.
    Her beaded braids are many,
    her big, sad eyes a brown abyss.

    Her right thumb and forefinger
    pinch her earlobe, as the rest
    of her little fingers cling tightly
    to a dirty, over-used blanket.

    Her left thumb is sucked deep
    into her large-lipped mouth as
    the index finger is wrapped
    around her little nose.
    We made eye contact
    briefly in 1964.




    Submitted on 2008-01-30 12:25:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      clearly, something about this encounter stayed with you in vivid detail over all these years... be it out of pity, empathy or purposeful committing-to-memory, this stayed with you. the magic of the piece is the reader wondering which one of those it was that made such an impact that you still can recall it 44 years later.
    ~Syn
    | Posted on 2008-03-27 00:00:00 | by Syn | [ Reply to This ]
      Well. This is interesting. It has plenty of detail, I can see the little girl standing there, moist doe eyes locked on mine. I liked this piece a lot, but it seemed like it ended too abruptly, but at the same time I can't decide if I like it better that way - just a snapshot of a memory.
    As far as I'm concerned you did splendid on this. thanks for sharing

    xoxo
    | Posted on 2008-01-30 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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    January 10 07
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