Lovely poem this one lass, very direct, puts a picture of many like you in a forest holding your own,
good use of rhyme also, liked this one my dear, if I may I will fav this one.
interesting. i'm imagining some tim burton-esque tree, snaring people out in the forests. and... i love trees... i don't see them as menacing. but i can remember the last time i went on a walk in the woods alone--it was a place i'm completely unfamiliar with, and it was cold and foggy and i was upset and left to go write by a pond i knew was somewhere in the woods. and i kept imagining giant frogs eating me, and creepy old guys coming after me. and the trees whispered...
anyway.
creepy, yeah.
hm......................
i love some of your rhymes, and i like that your form isn't perfect/typical. it's not abab or aabb etc... nice. refreshing, to some extent.
victim and sanctum... best rhyming pair i've heard in awhile :)
I'll admit I really dug this poem. I don't know if you were trying to create some sort of metaphorical parallel between the hemlock tree and something else or not, but when I read it, it just seemed imaginative and creatively comical. It plays out for me very much like a daydream, staring at a hemlock tree and giving it a personality. I personally think this is very well written, and almost feels like a Family Guy scene or Robot Chicken: if trees could think...
My biggest criticism would definitely have to lie in the 3rd stanza. The last two lines could definitely use some improvement in my opinion. In the second stanza you say "beware of my branches" and go on to talk about why the branches should be feared so, but in the 3rd stanza you say "beware of my intellect" but don't expand whatsoever on that thought. I would put something after that about his intellect, I would make a suggestion, but I'll leave it to you and your own imagination. Good job!
I don't think its to sloppy, I liked the idea. You used a hemlock tree to describe yourself. Its almost a warning to everyone not to cross you and not even try to walk over you. It also describes your personality, strong, intellectual, maybe a little narrow minded (no offense).
Submission Name: Hemlock Tree
