Rage by Broken

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Rage dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Broken
Elite Ratio:	2.96 - 139/137/36
Words:	67

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	367
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	457

Description:

Rage

-------------------------------------------

Move away
Don’t tell me to stay
I don’t care what you say.

I hate you so much
Words can’t unfold
Your Silence creeps within me, tarnishing me whole
The after taste you leave within me
Needs a miracle cleanse
Yet you stay still there
Emerging within me

Hence that’s what you are
The nation’s best enemy
Anger and frustration
My very own enemy.

Submitted on 2004-06-28 07:03:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I can feel the rage in this write...the words flow pretty well and the whole idea behind it isn't bad..there's only one thing i would change to make it better...i would take the line:
'Yet you stay still there'
and change it to
Yet you stay there or Yet you're still there...something like that
keep up the good work
| Posted on 2004-07-02 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
  while there are bits of this that i like, this piece doesn't distinguish itself. perhaps you can write about the why of the rage this person feels? let the reader inside this person's head before the anger took over instead of the ignorant aftermath. i'd like to know what causes such a seed of fury to blossom without the tender loving care of the sun or the rain. =]

~Blue
| Posted on 2004-06-28 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
  Both your title and the theme of your poem are, obviously, rage and have been excellently portrayed. The only problem is that you seem to be unable to decide whether you want to use punctuation or not punctuate In part of the poem, you do. In others, you don't.

~James "Alexian" Neal
http://www.alexiansaga.com
| Posted on 2004-06-28 00:00:00 | by alexianx | [ Reply to This ]
  Ah, the great war that rages within ourselves; battle of mind and emotion. You did a great job portraying and admitting to emotions that oft overtake us and we all have. I wish for you to see the flip side also. Love, Peace, Joy, Grace, Faith!
| Posted on 2004-06-28 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.