The Wrecking Ball by FallenGrace

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Submission Name: The Wrecking Ball dots

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Author:	FallenGrace
ASL Info:	29 already?/m/ga
Elite Ratio:	5.67 - 360/375/90
Words:	150

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	88
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1142

Description:

The Wrecking Ball dots

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Slipping to the floor the air grasps
gently for the flailing arms and
holding tight it sets her down, she’s
floating forward in slow motion

Picking up the pieces she finds
hidden under breathless moonlight
sliding forward making contact
kissing fate with wounded mouth

Feeling for her strength and armor
thinking of emancipation
List’ning for the hidden sounds in
cryptic codes inside her heart

The Wrecking Ball is inching closer
graceful in its pure destruction
perfect harmony in motion
rending essence stealing time

Shaking from anticipation
bracing on to old conclusions
comforting the comfortable is
not as easy as she thought

Lips are forming new creations
celestial figures dancing in the
rain swept clouds and grassy fields, she’s
given breath to lifeless stone

Holding tight to all conviction
empyreal strings pulling gently
closing eyes she’s making wishes
one more kiss and laying down

Submitted on 2008-01-31 17:05:20 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  There is so much personification that I had to keep reminding mylef that this was a wreckingball because the life parallels are so vivid. I thought it was rather interesting that you made it feminine. Freudian students could have a field day with that one.

I thought it was great to use the analogy since I knw some women who could be considered just that. The pendulum swing of the ball echos the swing of hips and so on.

I read Jens comment and disagree. The first three stanzas set up the wrecking ball imagery that allows the rest to work.
jan
| Posted on 2008-03-07 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
  Interested but cannot follow.
| Posted on 2008-01-31 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh dear. This just feels like remainders of a memory or a jarred scence form a dream. These stanzas especially:

Feeling for her strength and armor
thinking of emancipation
List’ning for the hidden sounds in
cryptic codes inside her heart
...
Shaking from anticipation
bracing on to old conclusions
comforting the comfortable is
not as easy as she thought

Lips are forming new creations
celestial figures dancing in the
rain swept clouds and grassy fields, she’s
given life to breathless stone

Holding tight to all conviction
empyreal strings pulling gently
closing eyes she’s making wishes
one more kiss and laying down

(Yes, the entire last half really felt broken up).

This may also be due to the form you've given it (the "ion" rhyme to open new stanzas).

The first stanzas were bearable because there was a fludity in the actions, and there was something that the reader was able to catch onto quite easily.

But now, reading it again and without intentional minding of the stanza breaks, there is a good train of thought there. But, still. People who read this are going to automatically assume that each stanza is a new thought, and it breaks up your pattern.

The abbreviation does NOT work well at all.

Actually, that stanza didn't work well at all. I found it quite...empty in its meaning to be there, and the description wasn't as easy to interpret as the rest.
| Posted on 2008-01-31 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

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