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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: shattered dreamsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thedemoninside
    Elite Ratio:    1.45 - 7/5/2
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 162
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 324



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshattered dreamsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    on this bed of shattered breams
    the one i loved was in this dream
    then someone finaly fould out
    i had to shatter the dream
    i broke it off at the seams
    they did not like it one little bit
    they tried to change it
    so they in the end
    were the sorce for my shattered dream.




    Submitted on 2008-02-01 11:56:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      First off, welcome to Elite Skills.

    I think that what you are writing about is a good topic to start out with. Even right now you have a good start to a really good poem. Right now, I don't think this is really an exellent poem. I think you need to expand your poem a bit, put more heart in it. Right now it doesn't have that much personality in it. It seems like you are a person on the outside looking in on someone else's relationship and started writing about it.
    I think this is a good start and if you decide to add some or change the poem, send me a message, let me know.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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