"If I Could Pick A Star" by Ron Cole

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Submission Name: "If I Could Pick A Star" dots

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Author:	Ron Cole
Elite Ratio:	3.78 - 1667/1121/181
Words:	62

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	152
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	369

Description:

"If I Could Pick A Star" dots

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If I could, for a moment,
reach out and pick a Star,
and take it from the Starlit night
and place it where you are,

its light would not be near so bright,
as the light that comes from you,
for your light is the light of love
that can make our dreams come true!

Ron Cole
January 2008

Submitted on 2008-02-02 13:40:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  nice poem......its simple but good......and somewaht sweet and cute.....anyways i like it....keep writing, you do a good job.....
-saragrace-
| Posted on 2008-04-23 00:00:00 | by Kornfreakinabox | [ Reply to This ]
  People always say simple is best, and I have to agree this time. I am a very dreamy person, and this poem really gives me the hope of my dream coming true, gives my the courage to reach out for my star. Sometimes a good poem is just to talk to people, and comfort people. And your poem gives me comfort :)
| Posted on 2008-04-21 00:00:00 | by PrInCeToNgIrL | [ Reply to This ]
  It's short, but sweet.
The first stanza was much better, the second was kinda....cliced...
| Posted on 2008-04-20 00:00:00 | by Kat Tudor | [ Reply to This ]
  Elegant simplicity is leaking from these few lines. That is all I have to say.
| Posted on 2008-03-17 00:00:00 | by The Conqueror | [ Reply to This ]
  Awww...very sweet piece! =')

Most love poems are sickeningly sappy, but you managed to avoid that flaw. Simple and heartwarming.
| Posted on 2008-02-23 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
  This is totaly beautiful Ron, It would be a wonderful valentine gift to your sweetheart. I think it is perfect. well done!!! Jerilynn
| Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Jerilynn | [ Reply to This ]
  Bigger/longer is not always better. You said a lot in a relatively few words. To feel this way about someone is the ultimate in love. One small change: "it's" should read "Its" in line 5. Good job, Sharon
| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by Peggy Paris | [ Reply to This ]
  I didn't read what anyone said about this poem of yours.Therefore I don't know if this is a repeat of what others are saying.

I love it this poem speaks to me of how you see someone.They certainly sound like a peaceful good soul.

The only thing I would work with if this belonged to me is this

it's light would not be near so bright,
as the light that comes from you,
for your light is the light of love
that can make our dreams come true!

maybe change it to this

it's light would not be near so bright,
as the light that comes from you,
for your light is one of love
that can make our dreams come true!

this is just a thought you don't have to change anything.
for me there was one too many of the word light in that stanza.

Thank You for the read Ron

| Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah I gotta agree with Katherine. The ending could be better. It's a kinda childish concept, really but the first stanza sounds ok.
| Posted on 2008-02-03 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
  It's simple but good. You kind of cut it of at the end though. It felt like it was cut off in the middle of a description. Other that it was nice and meaningful.
| Posted on 2008-02-03 00:00:00 | by Katherine_Music | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok, not everything in Texas is bigger...but in this case - big beautiful lyrical message in a tiny little package.

Worded excellently, flows perfectly, packed full of your romanticness & soulfulness.

You brighten yet another day for me ;)

| Posted on 2008-02-03 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  It is so small and yet so meaningful. I absolutely love it. I don't have appropriate words to sum up its heavenly beauty.

It is so true that the light of the brightest star is nothing compared to the light of love.

Excellent.... Incredibly lovely..... Very well expressed.... A favourite at first sight....
| Posted on 2008-02-03 00:00:00 | by Parul garg | [ Reply to This ]
  Simple, direct and loving. I admire and love it Ron. Peace to you my friend.
| Posted on 2008-02-02 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]

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