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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Pookadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: eyeless in gaza
    Elite Ratio:    6.13 - 235/170/53
    Words: 268
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 106
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1675



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPookadots
    -------------------------------------------


    I stand framed in my mother’s doorway
    In the company of the moon and the cold air.
    Shivering a little in my white cotton shirt.

    The cat appears from behind
    And in his feline way of approval
    Circles my legs and
    Strolls off for his nightly hunt.
    Leaving me alone with my thoughts and my coffee.

    I walk down the stone path
    Between flower beds and rhododendrons,
    To the bottom of the garden
    And turn into the woods,
    Where I spent my childhood days.

    Some days we were Indians with
    Bows and arrows cut from
    Long thin birch branches,
    Or hunters squirming through the shrub
    With a spyglass.
    And Bo was always by my side.

    A touch of sadness fills my heart
    When I think of Bo,
    His death and
    How I buried him here in the woods.

    I remember as if it where yesterday.
    My lonely walk home,
    And the days that followed.
    Sadly staring out of the window.
    My world had changed and somehow
    It had never looked so solemnly.
    Now I had to learn to think for myself and
    Stand on my own two feet.

    My parents never said a word,
    Or inquired about his whereabouts.
    They somehow took it for granted
    That Bo just wasn’t there anymore.
    My mother always said
    He had a bad influence on me.
    But she couldn’t keep us apart.

    Alas like all good things must come to an end
    My imaginary friend Bo also had to take his leave,
    The memories however remain in the woods.




    Submitted on 2008-02-02 13:41:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      coolio, strange structure. theres a bit of an overall lack of balence that somehow fits the quietness of the poem. The structure seems to on the first level be divided in two at the half way theres a change in mood and focus where after reading the second half one doesnt recall the first. that i guess is just the first level of its structure and consequently under further analysis the least important. But very nice. I get a vibe of your nostalgia.when anyone can expree a nostalgic relation to an annonymous person they got it goin. perhaps refine word choice. be a little tighter maybe. very good.
    best,
    | Posted on 2008-02-03 00:00:00 | by billythebrand | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a fantastic write, making great use of common wordage and sounding just as good as some mouthful of syllables would.

    the nostalgia is nigh overwhelming, and that's an excellent feeling.

    i've got little to critique here, so praise is my only offering.

    all the same, adjust those things you see to be problematic, you are your harshest critic.

    well done.

    keep these coming.

    ~KRG
    | Posted on 2008-02-02 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]


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