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    dots Submission Name: the moss of the earthdots

    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 940


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe moss of the earthdots

    some blue evening
    while lovely rivers break
    & bleed out
    into our gently curving eyes
    once more,
    we'll see the gliding forms
    of our skeletal bodies
    return to the salty airs of sea.

    & i've been mourning too long
    this death inside me.
    i've forced the honey
    from my morbid tongue.
    the cathedral of my heart
    has whispered names for far too long
    & i can no longer count
    the seconds as they fade away.

    so i dive
    spend-thrift into the splendor
    of the next golden day.
    & there are so many suns
    & trees about us.
    so many ways
    to walk the warbled woods.

    my feet are bare
    & in the moss of the earth
    i am awakening.
    let the riddles
    of your uncompromise
    undo me...

    Submitted on 2008-02-02 19:10:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This piece is very haunting. It has a strong sense of self and really makes use of the language to such a powerful extent. What I like most about it is how you can write as if you are leading a revolution without seeming like someone who would strain hsi voice. It really is a respectable feat.

    I don't think I mind the cathedral of my heart line as much as Rene Mafrete does, with all respect to him (or her) of course. I think that it fits well regardless of how tired it may be to a lot of people. It has good footing considering how much the piece weaves from one image to another.

    More importantly, I like the element of freedom; the possibility of you bending the laws of the universe itself just to find the right word for the right feeling. I think that it was what mae this piece special.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2008-02-18 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      this is so quiet, so soft, so beautiful...

    thank you.
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by eno1 | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty. just that... pretty.

    a fave i may re-comment on, i'm not sure... we'll see, haha.

    this was entrancing.
    | Posted on 2008-02-05 00:00:00 | by silent strings | [ Reply to This ]
      Your style is very original, no capitals, the use of & for some reason works very well with this piece, though in any other piece I'd probably discourage it.

    the cathedral of my heart

    very clichè. Very very very clichè. The rest of the piece was beautiful though. The honey on the tongue? An idea and image that stuck out wonderfully.
    | Posted on 2008-02-04 00:00:00 | by Renè Magrete | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very interesting piece. You write beautifully.
    | Posted on 2008-02-04 00:00:00 | by lorethriel | [ Reply to This ]

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